Samsmom: Life, Joy, Loss and Loving your Mitochondria

The other side

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***if you missed yesterday’s post, read that first

I have nothing against the minivan…really…I drive a Chevy Malibu station wagon..I’m not going for sexy. I know we have come a long way since the days of the 1970’s panel van. In fact a minivan with seat warmers, big cup holders, a 6 CD changer and a nice DVD doesn’t sound too bad….

Minivan…just getting used to the word.

Minivan…say it slowly…it sounds kind of nice…. miniminiminivaaaaaannnnnn…

A good friend read my blog today and had a very important question.

“Heather, I have two inquisitive kiddos (and another one on the way) I can totally see us being the other mom in this situation and the two of them arguing over the baby in the stroller. Ideally, what would you want the other mom to do, or to say?”

“I have no idea.”

She laughed “Well that’s not very helpful.”

“The kids didn’t bother me, they weren’t being hurtful. It just triggered something in me…a thought about how Samantha is percieved. It did bother me that the mom seemed to ignore the situation. Kids are curious, I get that but I think the parent should have been a little more aware.”

“No standard perfect statement?”

“I wish. Because it depends on me too. Sometimes I’m up for a teaching moment about Samantha. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered. I’m a complex creature.”

We didn’t come away with any resolution but I really appreciated the question. It reminded me that most of us are just trying to do what’s right…or at least get through the day without annoying too many fellow neighbors.

Sometimes that’s a mighty tall order.

Minivan.

4 responses to “The other side”

  1. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

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  2. Amanda Avatar
    Amanda

    I'll speak to something that can be done…how about the mother taking a moment to say, IT'S OK TO BE DIFFERENT.I get so tired of the world talking about our children being the 'touchstone to humanity' but living their life like it's too much hassel to take a moment to try and be a better human.,,,Better yet, teach their children to be better humans!”Try not to be a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.”–A EinsteinIn America we often forget that life is more than a consumption high.Kuddos Heather, hang in there, it might be a messy life but it's our life.XO's

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  3. ferfischer Avatar
    ferfischer

    Minivans are pretty nice. I kind of forget I have mine anymore. And it still feels too small for our family!I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like I make people feel like they can't do anything right. See, the problem is that it's me. I'm emotional about a lot of stuff. Catch me on a good day, and I'll open up about things and give people the “permission” they need to talk about my child. Other days, I might just walk away to my car and cry. Sometimes I cry in front of people. And it's not their fault, it just triggered something, that's all. But you know what is always an appropriate thing to say? “what a pretty little girl” or “what nice eyes he has!” or “what's her name?” – like all other kids. Because kids cue from their parents. The parent treats the child like any other child and the kids will too. That's not an “effort-taking” learning moment, that's just a human thing.

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  4. Terena Avatar
    Terena

    I remember saying once, “I will never own a minivan. Now I drive a white Honda Odyssey. I gotta say, it's an awesome car. 1999 and has over 200,000 miles, but it still goes strong (no seat warmers or DVD player, though, and the cup holder is way too small). We got the van because I was sick and tired of loading and unloading Rhia's wheelchair and walker from the trunk of my sedan. Now I can put both devices in the car at the same time and I don't have to break either down. It is not my dream car; it is a necessity. I dream of a Mini coupe with no room for a wheelchair, a car that I can drive just for me. The minivan exemplifies my life, so I understand your hesitation about a van and a wheelchair. Queen Teen's first wheelchair was a light, compact, quasi-stroller in bright purple. Simple to use and very light. You might be surprised by the options available.But yeah, it still sucks. Minivans and wheelchairs. Bums me out, too.

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Hello,

I’m Heather

Welcome to Samsmom and over 15 years of stories about love, loss, grief and the process of moving forward. It’s not always pretty here, but it’s honest. I’m a writer, a fund raiser, rare disease advocate, Mom of two Littles who are no longer here, Wife of Hubs, Aunt to the Phews, daughter, friend and unapologetically me.

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