Samsmom: Life, Joy, Loss and Loving your Mitochondria

Because you might.

You know one of those posts where your rational brain says, “maybe you shouldn’t go there.”

But that other brain says, “I can’t get this off my mind?”

This is one of those posts.

Hubby and I wake up every morning to NPR. This usually means I am processing conversations between Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un in a dream-like, semi comatose state.

Sometimes it’s easier to take the news this way. The other day, as I hit the snooze button again, I heard about an 87 year old woman being denied CPR in her retirement home.  She collapsed on the way to lunch and stopped breathing. It was against the independent living facility to administer CPR. So the nurse did not. And the 87 year old woman died. 

I slowly woke up and listened to the news.

As move on with the lifelong process of dealing with my own grief, I have become intrigued with how we deal with death as a society and I have to say….in my humble opinion…..

It’s a tad messed up.

Here’s my thought. If I’m 87 years old and I’m going to lunch and my heart gives out, I fall to the floor and stop breathing? Please don’t try and resuscitate me. At this point in time I am old.  I hope I have lived a life I am proud of. I hope I know who you are. I hope I can make it to the bathroom on my own.

I don’t mean to be flippant about these things….this is what I really do hope. Given that I now pee a bit when I sneeze, the bathroom thing might be far fetched………I can live with some things.

Please don’t give me CPR at 87. Currently at 42? Sure fight like hell for me. At 87? Nah. I only have a 5-10% chance of survival and my recovery would never be the same. I don’t want to be hooked up to some machine At most, I might have had a couple more years. At 87, I think I would be good with moving on.

Please don’t say things like my daughter must be heartless and cold for being okay that the nurse didn’t do CPR. You do not know me, you do not know my daughter. Well in my case, you do know my daughter, you know where she must be and that I am thrilled to follow her.

I find it ironic that young people die in horrible situations everyday, situations that could have been prevented and this is our focus. Is it because it sheds a light on our own vulnerability as we age? That people won’t do all they can do for us as we age? And when is it relevant to do everything? Or to not? 

When is it okay to die?

Perhaps I am missing something. Either way, the story makes me sad…..sad for the family, the nurse, and anyone in contact with this story. Maybe it will start a dialogue about when it’s okay and not okay to move on and let a life be a life. 

Because I just sneezed.