October 2015 – Samsmom

On Sunday I posted about cooking and the joy it brought me.

I made a pot roast with mashed potatoes and licked the bowl.

YUM-O

I love it when I make something I think is delish. And I’m not shy about saying it. Hubs and I will sit down to a meal and I will say, “This…..this is amazing.”

I get a lot of my recipes from the pioneer woman, for her love of butter, her need to fry and her love to cook for her Marlboro Man.

Hubs did fix the dryer the other day.

And I do find that sexy. Maybe I will start calling him my Marlboro Man.

Stop laughing.

Back to cooking.

Sunday I made a pot roast, cooked in bacon and it was lovely.

Monday morning I heard another study about red meat, processed meat and cancer, and I thought Hubs must think I’m trying to kill him….which is not true because he fixes dryers…and he does other things which I won’t go into because he’s my Marlboro Man.

Today I made a bolognese from the pot roast leftovers made in bacon. And thought again about my love to cook.

I have ended relationships over my need to cook.

Seriously.

I was dating a man and after a meal he said, “Can’t we just have spaghetti?”

And so I made spaghetti with a fabulous Puttanesca Sauce.

Puttansesca…..oh my love….tomatoes, olives, capers, anchovies…..is there anything more amazing?

SOOOOO yummy. But if you are expecting Ragu and you get Puttanseca, the difference can be shocking. AMAZING, but shocking.

Somewhere between Puttanesca and Ragu, we broke up.

Tonight as I was mixing cream into the Bolognese that came from a bacon-infused pot-roast, I thought about how lucky I was that Hubs didn’t come into the kitchen and suggest we have Ragu.

I licked the bowl…it was THAT good.

And it was one of the things this week that brought me joy.

And that’s the thing about joy….it is not huge or outstanding. It is tiny, subtle and significant.

And wrapped in bacon.

We had a really great Miracles for Mito Support Group Day.

I do think every event gets better and better- it’s been amazing to see how this organization has grown.

Our parent conversation got a little side-tracked ad we ended up talking about CPR Directives and setting up end-of-life care for our very loved Mito people.

It is an awful but important conversation.

We did not have a CPR Directive or end of life plan set up for Samantha and our experience with First Responders was really quite awful. So, one of my goals is to talk to families about how important it is to have these tough discussions about our medically fragile loved ones.

And so, I talked about plans that need to be made and I added my own bit of snark and inappropriate comments.

Because if you can’t joke about First Responders taking your depression meds after your child has passed, what can you make a snarky comment about?

Thus, our life.

Our Mito Support Day was coming to an end and one of the dads came up and gave me a hug. “How can you still be so happy?” he said.

This question always takes me aback because I honestly, truly, don’t know. My pouchy belly carries the scars of two children who we don’t have. You read my Bio and it’s brutal. Mito Sucks.

Is it a choice? Maybe. Do I have my days? Of course. But I do think overall I’m a pretty positive person and to be quite honest, somedays I look at our life and I’m not quite sure how we are standing.

I am thrilled that we are.

But there is no secret sauce.

And so, being befuddled, I blurted out to the Dad, “I try to find joy everyday!”

Well, I personally think that makes me sound like a self-rightous a-hole. Which is what I don’t want to be.

And so, with this blog, I will now try to post what brings me joy. That is now my focus- joy with grief…and maybe we can all figure this out. Or not.

The thought of all of this came today. Hubs and I have had opposite schedules the last two weeks and so today I decided I would cook for him.

I love to cook. May I make you a meal? You know I love you if I make you a meal. Seriously, cooking brings me joy.

Eating brings me joy too. This was a recent shot from the outer banks. Yum.

This is a ‘peck’ of oysters…..four pounds in a peck. Four pounds of yummy.

My Papa used to sing a song to me “I love you a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck”

Oh, I love a peck.

I came home today with rosemary for our potatoes, an amazing organic Chuck for a pot roast and barlett pears for a tart. I turned on Pandora to Hipster Cocktail Radio (the best Pandora station ever) and danced to Dusty Springfield.

I stopped mid hip swig because I was happy. I was happy, so happy, so content making a meal; chopping onions and carrots and good food that I had to mark this occasion….I am happy.

And maybe that is what being happy is about. Noting those times- happy simple times….never, ever taking them for granted. Because life will make you sad, that is guaranteed, it is our job to find, search, seek, forage, the happy.

To find joy everyday….without being a self-righteous a-hole

And make a pot roast.