Samsmom: Life, Joy, Loss and Loving your Mitochondria

Tonight is the last night in this house.

I am a bit of a mess.

It’s caught me by surprise.

But in this house…..

In this house my husband made me dinner when we were dating. I drove up and thought “where the hell is Loveland?”

In this house I said yes.

In this house I sat in the living room and wrote wedding invitations.

In this house, in this house, in this house.

I packed for Paris.

I pee’d on a stick. I drove to Hubs office when I saw the positive sign. We bought a car. I built a nursery. I fretted over installing a car seat correctly.

We fretted over a pregnancy.

We lost a son.

Hubs drove me home to an anxious and sad family. I sat outside; ate a turkey sandwich and drank a gin and tonic and talked about a future I still believed in.

I pee’d on a stick.

We greeted a daughter.

We greeted an ambulance.

We greeted an ambulance.

We greeted an ambulance.

I grieved a motherhood that would not be mine.

And then we grieved a daughter.

Friends brought lovely champagne and we sat on our stoop.  In this house! In this house! IN THIS HOUSE!

Our new house will never have formula stains on the ceiling or poop on the carpet. If an ambulance shows up at 2:00 in the morning, one of us will have the knowledge to direct people where to go because now we have a history.

We learned it in this house.

I walked into Hubs office as he was packing Jack, Samantha’s and his Dad’s ashes.

And we embraced. Just us two

In this house, In this house, In this house.