Month: June 2022

*Dear Reader- this post is about a good day!

But it is also contains sensitive content around birth and death…..proceed with caution.

Today was a really fun day. Our hockey team won the Cup! You can’t win a cup and not have a parade. So today half a million of my closest Avs fans converged in downtown Denver for yes, a parade.

I was fortunate enough to be ‘behind the scenes’, drive a firetruck (kidding) and hang out with my Avalanche besties who really are young enough to be my children but that’s okay.

And they only know me as a crazy mom-aged stalker….but that’s okay too.

Today was a good day.

I do not take the joy I feel, my laughter and easy smile today for granted.

17 years ago at this exact time, I questioned everything in my life. I questioned my body. I questioned the cruel circumstances of life and death, pregnancy, parenthood, marriage, motherhood, fatherhood. My whole world and everything I knew about it had been tilted on an axis.

17 years ago the beautiful full term baby boy I carried in my belly died.

Before I would have been hesitant to tell you this- perhaps frightened that it would be too much. But since ya’ll are talking about my baby-maker on every corner…..talking about what you might know without ever having gone through what a lot of women are going through…..

I’ll lay my cards out……..

A little bit of me died 17 years ago.

But I was still alive.

Have you ever seen the Walking Dead? I was Zombie angry. I howled at the moon. I despised healthy pregnant women who gave birth to beautiful babies. I was foreign to everyone else who didn’t loose their babies. I was unpredictable, postpartum bleeding, hormonal and amazingly sad.

But today, June 30, 2022 was a good day.

And I honor today’s good day

I honor it in the fact that the long, extensive, heart breaking road was incredibly personal and difficult. But we made it.

I challenged all of my friendships, and somehow they all survived. I challenged my marriage and we survived.

Jack, in his own silent way, paved the road for other unfairness in our lives. I thank him for this and will always be grateful for the lessons this silent, beautiful boy gave us.

Our story is not different because we wanted our boy. Every story about intimacy, relationships, life, birth and death is told behind closed doors. Government has no place here.

I invite you into my story, without my invitation, you have no seat.

I had more rights as a woman 17 years ago. Even at that time, I was asked by doctors what happened…..did I fall? What did I eat? They copied my file in fear of being sued. They were respectfully distant.

I weep for what my Sisters must endure today- for the ugliness and beauty of birth. For where we are as a country and for where I hope we can meet across the table. For my sisters who must make horrible, private decisions. And for those who have to make much more difficult, public decisions.

For the day that I died a bit…..but for new branches that grow.

And for today….this day…..this fun day. I honor it all.

Last week I caught the Vid…the Rona….the big ol’ assy virus I have been trying to avoid for 2 1/2 years.

I have to admit, I became a bit judgy in those 2.5 years.

Friends would fall to the Vid and I would politely remind them that Vegas is a super spreader city, or that we shouldn’t be asking……thanks for masking!

Me and my four shots made me as cocky as MC Hammer….

Can’t Touch This.

But ya did.

And Vid crawled up in my nose like the creatures from Alien. Seriously, I snotted this little asshat the other day. Not on my watch booger alien. Not here

Its a strange thing when that test strip strikes positive.

Am I the only one of the ladies that feels like I’m taking the 15 minute pregnancy tests?

Who did I breathe with? Crap, I exchanged air with so many.

In my 51 year old dottage, I marched my positive test down to my husband and said, “What did you do to me????”

Seeeee? Just like a pregnancy test.

And he held up his own positive test and said what did you do to meeeeeeee

Crap! In this new universe, men can carry snot aliens too!!!!

And then I thought about my surgery…..my carefully planned surgery. The Rusty replacement, only a week out.

I looked at Hubs, “should I call the surgery center?”

Because I gotta tell you, I didn’t want to call the surgery center. I didn’t want to tell them I was carrying an alien booger baby in my nose. Maybe we can just forget the alien baby?

And Hubs sat back, “Well…….it’s a big surgery. And its a pandemic, and it was a top cause of death for 2021….but you do you.”

Fine. Fine. Fine.

So I called my surgery center. And I did feel a bit dirty.

Heeeeyyyyyy yeah, guess what? I have Covid. Wahhhhhhhaaaat? Its a thing? A rescheduling thing? No. Really? F&ck Fine

I didn’t really say F&ck.

But I wanted to. Turns out Covid can cause blood clots during surgery.

Blood clots are bad.

And then I thought about my life.

And the times that schedules were switched for my girl.

About how we planned, thought, rescheduled, planned again, cursed, and at the end it was okay. .

It was okay- sometimes even better.

Perspective is an amazing gift.

And in four weeks (universe willing) I will be VID free with a brand new knee and none the less worse for the wear.

But it took a while to get here!

I have taken on a super fun side gig! I am writing for Neighbors of Northwest Arvada. June brought Father’s Day and a chance to interview my Pops and fellow (new!) Arvada resident.

Content isn’t available online but you can read the text of my interview below.

Happy June!

Happy Father’s Day Neighbors of Northwest Arvada! Did you know that Father’s Day did not become a nationally recognized holiday until 1972? We see you Dads out there; on the bike trails or tossing a ball around.

Good Dads are the best. In honor of the holiday, I took some time to chat with my own Dad and fellow Arvada resident about Fatherhood.

Hi Dad.

Hello Daughter.

You’ve been doing this dad thing for over 50 years, and we think your pretty good at it. As a dad of adult kids, watching your kids have kids, what advice would you give to someone whose brand new to this?  

Enjoy the time- it goes by so quickly. Play with your kids, be the goofy dad. Jump in the pool and be the shark. Wear the tiara for the tea party. When your kids are young, the days can be long, but you blink, and they are off to college. Enjoy the time when they think you’re still pretty cool.

I still think you’re pretty cool. What has been your proudest moment as a father?

Seeing my children grow up to become decent, respectful, talented world contributing people makes my buttons pop.

Well, that’s a pretty nice thing to say about your kiddos. Thanks! We are going to fire up the grill for Father’s Day, what’s the key to grilling a really great ribeye?

Start with a good quality bone-in ribeye. Season only with salt and pepper and have a good grill that allows searing the meat and then finish at a lower temp. Insist on chewing on the bone, it is Father’s Day after all.

Fine, you can gnaw on the bone, because it is your day. Speaking of your day, what is the appropriate gift? No gushy answers like world peace, go big.

A tie.

Really?

No, this is a little gushy, but I really have reached a time in my life where being with my kids and grandkids is always at the top of my wish list. And as my kids have gotten older, they now give us really thoughtful gifts!

That’s it, you’re getting a tie. Dads are known for bad jokes, what’s your best one?

In honor of my grandsons and because we were just talking about grilling, here you go…..Why didn’t Han Solo like his steak? It was Chewie.

That’s terrible. And kind of funny. So, you just moved to Arvada to be closer to family. What’s the best thing about living here?

Well, aside from being closer to all of you, we love that we are so close to the mountains. We can be out hiking and biking in minutes. I have also found a couple pretty good brew pubs and I might just try out goat yoga.

You’re crazy. But I’m glad you’re my dad.

To all our Neighbors of Northwest Arvada dads, granddads and really amazing uncles, we hope you have a fantastic day with family, friends and of course those little munchkins that made you dads. Go play and enjoy the day!