From a $12 test

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day and I have complicated relationship.

I love Moms. I love my Mom, I love my friends who are Moms, I love the people who have Mothered me along this road of life. This tribe of women has influenced me, held me on high, approached me with truths at times hard to swallow. We are all in one way or another, continually raising each other.

It is a sacred, magical, heartbreaking place.

It is May and in the next couple weeks many of my dear friends Littles will graduate from high school. I love these kids. I love seeing the young adults they have become, the promise, the glow, the future that lies ahead for them…..

Jack would have graduated this year. I vacillate between dreaming of life that was not ours to live and how the hell could it have been 18 years since so many of my friends and I took that ClearBlue Pregnancy test and realized that our lives were going to change forever.

But we really didn’t realize how our lives would change…..did we? We dreamt of cute snuggly onesis, the best breast pumps, the perfect color to paint the nursery, we lived in dreams fueled by expectations, promises held by a plus sign from a $12 pregnancy test.

Along the way, in these 18 years of life, motherhood held us to the very highest test. We would lose Littles, we would lose Mamas, we would make heartbreaking phone calls. We would huddle and hold each other closer.

And as Littles now go off to find their own world, their own space; what is left is you and I, cheering them on from afar, watching the sky to see what direction they take. Watching in joy, at times in fear, and anticipation as they make their way.

We are all in one way or another, continually raising each other.

All this from a $12 pregnancy test.