I love to organize my socks.

I pull all of my socks out of the drawer, pair everyone up, help lost socks find their mate and neatly fold them back.

Well, I wont have to do that for a while, I think and I go about the rest of my days, my weeks and my months.

Sooner or later, my sock drawer grows chaotic and demands attention. It wasn’t that I was ignoring the sock drawer. But sometimes I am naive enough to think that after I smugly fold the last sock, I have fixed the issue. If I address the chaos in my sock drawer one time, the issue of unmatched socks will go away and I will never have to address it again.

I think we need to address the sock drawer.

Me, as an average person in this country, tend to assume that after we have a conflict, a battle, even a war, we wipe our hands clean and walk away.

We fixed it. It is better. We do not need to address it again.

But you know what we are?

Humans.

We are more chaotic than socks.

And for as much as we want to be good; pride, power and fear are compelling factors to be less good. And when we continue to look away, ignore and excuse what is less good, the needle moves further from what is good.

I don’t think we are very good right now. I think we can be better.

Today reminds me that we consistently have to address and evaluate issues within our society. We can never assume that because great people fought decades ago, we can be impervious to matters of human rights, civil rights and our sacred, fragile democracy.

In light of the volatility we face and have faced in the last couple weeks, I was delighted today. I was thrilled to listen to scholars talk about this day and how we move forward.

I am always humbled to listen to the lives of giants. Thank you Martin Luther King Jr for your bravery and fortitude and reminding us we all have a dream.

I still have to address the chaos in my sock drawer.

I did not post yesterday. I was celebrating the day of my birth. 50 years on this amazing earth. 50 years of being a human during this time.

I was a delightful day. I received so many sweet notes from dear friends. Inhaled beautiful flower arrangements, drank too much champagne and dove into a gorgeous lobster with ravenous glee.

I love my birthday. I really do. I woke up and Hubs glanced over at me, “Happy Birthday.” He said.

“Happy Birthday to you,” I returned.

“It’s not my birthday.”

“I know, but I feel like I should say something in return.”

“No, today is all about you,” he said.

“I KNOW. It is isnt it?” And I giggled like a child.

It is miraculous that we are all here in the forms that we are. Not only did every strand of DNA have to align perfectly, which is miraculous by itself. But that my mom at 19 and my dad at 20 decided what the heck, sure lets start a family.

I know it was a little more complicated than that. But now at 50, I am incredibly grateful for my parents….all four of them who decided along the way to come join the ride.

So many twists of fate to bring us here, who we are today. What a precious day.

I saw my Grandma and Grandpa yesterday. Who at 50 has Grandparents they can visit? Granny talked a bit about her life in Southern Illinois- 9 people, no indoor plumbing and a two seat outhouse. Her father was an electrician but they did not have electricity until Granny was a teenager. 90 years on this earth provides a lot of content- so many stories about just one life.

I then delighted….just a tad……in indoor plumbing and light switches.

Happy Day 14 Sweet Friends. Revel in the miracle you are.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I turn 50.

50 years on this earth. 50 years on this beautiful, volatile, amazing earth. One thought that has resonated.

How lucky are we to be alive?

How lucky are we to be alive?

This was me at my 40th birthday party.

This photo was taken 5 months after we lost Samantha. And my 40th birthday.

My god…I thought. I have lost everything. What will I be now.

A friend of mine does a post about this picture, he says “And Heather opened her mouth and swallowed her friends whole.”

The irony…..is that I really wanted to swallow you whole. My poor heart felt so felt sad and empty, perhaps if I swallowed you all, I could be full.

I tried to swallow you all but your heads are really big and my jaw doesn’t do that funky dislodging thing that snakes do.

Perhaps its for the better.

Instead you filled my heart. Reminded me I was loved. Nursed me through my 40’s.

And so here we are.

50 brings a light and love that I see shinning through windows, reflected in the trees, returned in a hug or fist bump.

I promise I will no longer devour you.

Hooray for 50.

You bring me Delight

I did not post a delight tonight.

I fell asleep on the couch.

It was delightful.

Welcome Dear Friends to Day 11 of 365 Days of Delights. Yesterday in response to my anger, I wrote fiery blog post, banned myself to the kitchen, made 6 dozen cookies, 32 peanut butter balls, 2 loaves of bread, and one homemade pizza dough which was converted into said pizza.

No really. I did.

Today I delivered cookies, banana bread and peanut butter balls to my brother and my ravenous nephews. I listened to a Berne’ Brown podcast twice and had a very honest dialogue with myself around my own accountability as a human on this earth during this time.

And then I ate another cookie.

This time is hard. Anger is easy.

I have more to say on this topic but my brain is tired from baking all the cookies and honestly, I would rather focus what brings us delight.

Oh. I love a sweet smelling, smiling baby! Therefore, I hand today’s Delight of over to my lovely friend and now Auntie ……Laura.

My delight right now is hearing a notification that there is a new picture that has been shared in my photos account. It’s from California, which is a very long ways away at the moment. The pictures, videos and recordings are of my 5 month old nephew. I’ve yet to meet him (which makes me cranky), but the notification on my phone is a daily delight. And the smiles, giggles, tiny hands and wide eyes are pure and simple delights no matter what else is going on. And knowing that 2021 will be the year that I meet the best thing to happen in 2020.

Oh Baby Boy! Thank you for saving me from myself. I indeed am delighted.

Welcome to Delights Day 10- dough therapy. I gotta tell you, I’m in a bit of tizzy tonight so you might not walk away feeling delighted. In fact, I am so worked up I have sequestered myself to the kitchen where I will bake and bake and bake.

Oh stop it……

I live in Colorado but this bake is all about pizza, banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. Have you ever kneaded dough when you’re really mad? It’s kind of the best.

I have to tell you. I’m really mad at some of you. And I implore you to stop it. While you plan your grand scheme to blow $hit up, the rest of us are afraid to post anything other than Kitten photos on Facebook for fear we are going to piss off Uncle Bob. We love Uncle Bob but he is a bit of a loose cannon.

I hated that Trump won in 2016. But instead of participating in a coup at the Capitol, I knitted a pink pussy hat, met my girlfriends in Downtown Denver and chanted “Trump Skis in Jeans!”

The statement above is really, really offensive if you live in Colorado.

Not quite as offensive as a Camp Auschwitz sweatshirt, 6MWE or chanting Hang Pence. Which is why I can still fly freely…..as soon as I choose to…..with a mask and hand sanitizer…..cuz that’s how I roll.

I know if I tell you to knock it off, that it will only piss you off. So I won’t.

I’m just gonna make a lot of cookies. And stay the heck away from you.

Thank you for my rant. I feel a tad Delighted. Cookie?

I would be remiss if I continued these Delights one more day and did not acknowledge this guy.

My Hubs.

We have spent the last ten months together- in some sort of quarantine. I have told him he needs to be a better girlfriend, he has told me I need to stop snoring (HA! I totally dont).

But ironically, ten months has made us stronger.

Socially, we could not be more different; I enter a party as a stage, he is wondering if he really needs to go to the party.

The Ying to my Yang.

But in times that are difficult, we are pretty united. We were united in navigating the loss of two children, deciding to be a childless couple and today, we are united around how we navigate these crazy times.

It is refreshing to walk into his office after the latest breaking news and say “Holy $hit Balls! Did you see that?”

And have Hubs agree.

A good partner is a delight…..most of the times 🙂

Welcome to Delights Day 8 of 365.

Sometimes what delights me is sitting next to the dish towels and tea kettle. All it takes is acknowledgement over a cup of Sunday coffee.

I love this Amaryllis! I bought my little friend at Krogers on December 18th, 2020 for $9.99.

He had one blossom. Three weeks later, I have watched other stalks appear, bloom, wither and make room for other stalks. He now has four glorious blooms and has gotten so tall, I tied the bottom bloom to a wooden skewer so he wouldn’t tip over.

When doing the dishes, I give him a little drink.

When the last flower fads, I have been told to cut the stalk and put him in a sunny window until next fall. A little water in November will bring new Amaryllis blooms and a spot next to the tea kettle.

All that for $9.99 at the grocery store.

Day One I posted about my trip in the woods and the idea of Forest Bathing…..immersing in everything the forest, the outside has to offer.

Apparently I have a tribe of Forest Bathers which delights me! Here are photos fellow Delighters have sent to me in this Winter Wonderland.

Bathe. Bathe my friends in whatever delights you.

I swim during COVID.

It is my most reckless act.

I only swim outside- partly because of this nasty virus, partly because the only way to swim is outside. The light dances on the water and the air is clean and cold.

5 days a week, I pull on a swim suit, my newly purchased swim coat, fuzzy rubber soled slippers and a wooly hat. I knock on Hubs office door, “Off for a swim.”

He nods, knows better than to protest.

5 days a week, I pad along to my reserved lane, take off my mask, pull on my swim cap and jump in.

I sink to the bottom and stay there just a second. The warm water cradles me. I am home. I am home. I am home

Sometimes I swim before dawn- the water is dark, the sidewalk is icy, steam creates clouds in the sky along the setting moon.

Today I swam in the afternoon with a good friend. The winter sun was setting, Prince was playing through the speakers and the pool manager handed out chocolate. The setting sun colored the winter trees pink.

For one hour, five days a week, I think of nothing but my breath, counting my laps and moving my arms one stoke ahead of another.

Delighted.