The List

We have been waiting for the H1N1 vaccine. It’s never really been a choice for us, do we vaccinate? Do we not? It’s always been understood that if Samantha got H1N1, she would probably get really, really sick.

Hospital sick.

We are not fans of the hospital, even though we seem to spend a lot of time there.

So we vaccinate.

I have been calling to Children’s weekly to see if the shot is available. I called on Thursday last week to be told we were close…call on Monday….

So I called today and spoke to a nurse who was filling in for our regular nurse. The filling-in-nurse-situation is always slightly problematic. I admit I am spoiled….I usually call and talk to our regular nurse who knows us like the back of her hand…she knows Samantha…she knows when I have a certain tone of voice that something is really wrong…she just knows.

The filling-in-nurse doesn’t know….

“I’m calling about the H1N1 vaccine.” I say “Samantha should be on the list.”

“Oh, well we only got 100 doses and they have already been allocated.”

“We were told we would be one of the first to get the shot.”

“Can you hold? Let me check with the clinic.”

While on hold I told myself that maybe it was a good thing that Samantha wasn’t on the first 100 list. Perhaps she can wait. Perhaps their were kiddos sicker than her, kids with trachs, kids who were just, well sicker. I had done a pretty good job of convincing myself that another month of Tamiflu wasn’t so bad when the filling-in-nurse came back.

“Mrs. Schichtel? I’m sorry. I was wrong. Samantha is on the top 100 list to get the vaccine. You can come in this week. Let me transfer you to the scheduler.”

I felt a lump in my throat. So you’re not happy if you’re on this list? Not happy if you are?

Yeah, that’s kind of how it works. So relieved to get it…wishing we didn’t have to. Happy to be on the list in order to get the shot….wishing we weren’t on the list. The top 100 high-risk kids at Children’s is not a slot you hold your breath for.

In summary, Samantha will get her coveted shot on Thursday and her mama will breathe a little easier. I guess if you have to be waiting, it’s okay to be on the list.