Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

What would I do?

The area northwest of Boulder, Four-Mile Canyon is on fire.

It has been since Monday.

Over 6,000 acres have burned. I have biked in that area. It is a stunning, beautiful part of Colorado.

It makes me sad that it is now gone.

Over 600 firefighters are trying to contain it. When the fire started on Monday, many local firefighters quickly joined in to battle the blaze….and some lost their own homes.

And I wonder, would I have had the strength to stay where I was and fight? Knowing that my home was gone, would I continue to fight?

Of course you would,” A friend of mine said. “You would be so mad, you would want to make sure that fire was out and that no one else lost a home.”

“I’m not so sure,” I said. “I fought my own fire. I fought like hell for Samantha and the many causes that came with being her mom. Now that I no longer have my own little flame to fight for, I’m not sure if I can get back into the battle with the same exuberance.”

But in reading the many stories about the heroic people in Boulder, they got right back in, held lines and protected their neighbors’ homes knowing their own were gone.

God Bless ’em I say. Because I just don’t know if I can get back in the fight.

7 thoughts on “What would I do?”

  1. Going along with your analogy…their fight isn't over. Their fire is still burning. With Samantha, the fire burned a little every day…until it couldn't be fought any more. It wasn't a raging consuming fire, but it still took away the one thing you held so dear and fought for. When their fire is out, they may need to take a while, regroup, and rebuild their lives before they are ready to fight again. But, I imagine it is something deep inside of them that gets them back out there to fight. You can't be expected to jump into the next set of raging flames, when you're still picking through the still smoldering embers. But, I also imagine there will be a time with you that the passion that got you through Samantha's illness and battles, will find it's way out again in another form. It doesn't have to be fighting the same battles…but you were born with a passionate soul, and even through the most difficult of times, no fire can put that out. Love you, dear friend. I'm looking forward to seeing you next week.


  2. Heather, you are one of the most amazing women I know. I can't say I know what I would do but you will do what is right for you. You continue to give of your self through your amazing words and Samamtha continues to touch lives even though her fire is not blazing here on this earth! I also can't wait to see you next week!!!


  3. Oh, Samantha, I can't imagine you getting back into any fight and hope you won't need to in a long, long time. You must be exhausted somewhere on some very deep level. I wish for you sunny, clear skies, lots of biking and sweat and water that comes from the sky.


  4. After two tours of duty it is time for you to have some R&R. If you are called back into the fight, you will know. Either your “orders” will arrive or you will enlist.R&R Heather, rest and heal. Heal and rest. Hugs to you!


  5. It's okay to rest right now. You don't have to fight. I have a feeling that when it's time, or when something happens that requires you to get up and kick some ass, you will. But for now, rest.


  6. I echo Deana's sentiments–you are regrouping, brushes the ashes off yourself and rebuilding. It is not an easy journey and not to be rushed.Don't be fooled my friend–you've got more fight in you. But maybe you won't have to battle so hard next time—alissa


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