Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

The Last Reading

There is one last reading I wanted to share from Samantha’s service. I wanted to space them out a bit because I think they can be a tad overwhelming….it can be hard to hear the words of parents and grandparents.

This is my letter to Samantha……

Dear Samantha,

From the time that pregnancy test registered a faint, tiny positive sign, you have been a gift to me; a reminder after Jack that life goes on, a continuation of our growing family, a chance for your daddy and me to be parents.

The day you were born, your daddy was so proud, he looked like he could eat you up. I’ve never seen a smile so big….he was holding sunshine, he was holding gold.

Being your mother, no matter how hard things have been has been the best thing I have ever done in my life.

“Are you Mom?” Doctors would ask when you were very sick.

“Yes, I am Mom.”

I am Mom….I am Samantha’s Mom. See that cute little cherub? See that gummy smile that would melt your heart? That is my child.

You are my child. And you are such a gift.

I hope you can see all of the people here for you today; family, friends, teachers, doctors, nurses therapists. You have touched the lives of all of these people. Without ever saying a word, by just being the person you are.

You taught us all patience. You taught us the power of hard work and perseverance. You taught us how to read the little subtleties in life. You showed us that the very best thing in life is that infectious smile, the power of a good, healthy day and the lovely simplicity of cuddling with you on a summer evening, rubbing your Buddha tummy and listening to you breathe.

You have made me a better person. You brought together a village. In a world where value is based on intelligence, power, athletic prowess and speed, you made us all slow down, celebrate tiny accomplishments and rub your buttery, peanut feet.

I love you Samantha. I love you with a fierceness I have never felt; a power that tried to move mountains, stop time and keep you here for just a little while longer. You are my child. You are my gift.

You left this world so quickly on Sunday. I know now that your quick departure was another gift you gave your daddy and me because no matter how sick you became, I would have never let you go. I would have held on forever just to sit by your bed, hold your warm hand, smell your perfect skin and watch those long, lovely eyelashes flutter. It is selfish I know, but when you are given a gift as perfect as you, you will hold on for eternity.

Thank you for being my daughter, for making me so proud, for being such a sweet child, a little girl so easy to love. Thank you for giving me this precious time, four short years to look in awe at the strong, determined Lil’ Miss you are.

I will miss you forever and hold you close in the deepest, safest, warmest chamber of my heart.

All my love and even more,

Your Mommy.

3 thoughts on “The Last Reading”

  1. Thank you for sharing these reading again. For me and Steve, it was yours and Bart's that moved us the most then, and now. Thank you for sharing your words to Samantha with us. Thank you for sharing Samantha with all of us. HUGS to you! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night.


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