October 2010 – Page 2 – Welcome to Samsmom. I'm Heather and this is my journey as we navigate love, loss, rare disease, hope and resilency. Our family carries a POLG-1 genetic mutation that took my two children, Jack and Samantha and most recently, my brother Ryan. It's not an easy place to be, but here we are- with humor, love and grace, here we are.

Today I am also hangin’ at Hopeful Parents

I did a search on mole people and found that in urban legend, they are the groups of people that live underground in the subway system.

I also found this…..

…..my mole people are much cuter and not quite as shocking….

And them I found him….

Alas my mole person….

I named him Harvey.

And on many days I feel like I have joined him in his little hole.

My life has evolved to a deeper level. After Samantha, copious amounts of small talk, surface-level talk drives me insane.

I no longer do well at parties with people I don’t know. Here’s how I imagine my conversations…..

“Yes I like to dabble in scrap booking but ever since we adopted our eighth cat, I’m just way too busy.”

I imagine myself casually taking the last cheese straw and saying “Yeah, well, my daughter died.”

But I don’t , I don’t do this. But these surface level conversations make me crazy.

I want to take things to a deeper level….let’s dig deep, go below the surface, where it is dark and dirty, where it’s kind of stinky….where life is real.

And I love those who go with me. I love my mole people.

On Monday I went back to the job I left four years ago when Samantha got sick. I have been amazed at the people who stop by my desk with tears in their eyes and say, “I am so glad your back but I am so sorry about Samantha. I’m sorry you could come back because she is no longer here.”

It’s messy, it’s dirty, they don’t have to take things to a deeper level but they do. They allow me talk about my pain, my life…the muddy, crappy, poo that unravels when you go a little deeper.

And I am so very appreciative.

I love my mole people. And if you’re hangin’ with me, congrats, you have received mole person status.

Although you are much prettier than my green buggy friend above.

Let’s get dirty.

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine sent me a lovely card just in case the changing of the seasons proved to be a little difficult.

I thought this was wonderful and very thoughtful but I LOVE the Fall…love it….and I thought I would embrace the seasonal transition.

But last week I was picking the last of the tomatoes and a wave of sadness came over me. One of my favorite things was hanging in the garden with Samantha watching by, sitting in her Radio Flyer wagon. I think she loved it as much as I did.

It made me sad that we won’t grow another garden together; so sad that I drew myself a hot bath and had a little cry fest. Actually I am a fan of the cry fest, I am always feel better, a little cleansed, tired and at peace. I sat in the tub until my feet were raisins.

But now that I have come to this conclusion, I want this year’s garden to be done, over….I am now ready for another season, a little change, a step forward. My sad tomato plants are hanging on by a teeny tiny thread….they are ready too.

As luck would have it, our autumn has been historically hot. I feel obligated to go out and water our sad little plants as they cling the last remnants of Summer…..producing teeny, wimpy fruits.

I need a good crisp Fall. I need a cleansing cold. I need to say goodbye to my tomatoes. Mr. Frost is a tad tardy.

Month: October 2010

I can only hang with my mole people….

Paging Mr. Frost….Mr. Jack Frost….