Today Miracles for Mito was accepted into the Colorado Non-profit Development Center.
Caring for Samantha taught me many different things.
She taught me to look at the facts with a critical eye.
She taught me to ask questions and pay attention….and that no one sitting in the room is exempt from a question.
She taught me to focus and to check everything…..to be passionate and diligent about the work I did.
Because that work was about her.
Because it was indeed about arms and legs.
Being back in the business world, her teachings have paid off. I am focused, somewhat direct and I check everything.
Apparently I have become a little passionate about the work I do now….perhaps a little too passionate, perhaps a little overzealous.
I sat in a meeting today about a client I will have in January. Decisions were being made about the future of this client and I didn’t say a thing.
But I have to voice my opinion…decisions made here will affect me….
So I did…I spoke….. but the voice that came out wasn’t the business Heather of four years ago. It was Hospital Heather whose last meeting around a table involved four doctors, two specialists and the welfare of my child. Apparently this voice had been cooped up a little too long.
Whoa Girl….it is no longer about seizure control….it’s about marketing.
I was able to dial it back but I found myself searching for old Business Heather with perhaps a Hospital Heather flair. I can only wonder what my colleagues think…..
Wow….that Heather really, really cares about her clients!
Yeah, but maybe that second latte’ should be decaf.
It’s October 25th. It’s been three months since Lil’ Miss left us.
I howl at the lonely moon
Raw and unleashed, my cries pierce my fragile skin, pierce the bandage on my wounded heart. Hopeless, helpless, I am consumed.
I must be contained, silenced.
I swallow. Stuff myself into the tight, black, polished pump. I smooth my black dress and paint a smile on my white face.
I mist at the chorus of ‘I’m sorry’. I do not meet concerned eyes. I nod and drift through the crowd.
Tonight, alone, I will remove my black heels and unleash my sorrow.
Now I can only pick at the lilies.
Today I sat in a meeting. I was a bit down about our three month mark and I looked at all the other faces at the table.
How many of us hide something? Stuff our pain into our black heels? Pick at the lilies?
Sometimes…those days when I howl at that lonely moon….sometimes those days are good. In a world that is so very contained, she taught me that I am not.
When Samantha died, we started a memorial fund.
When Samantha first got sick I had to quit my job. I wandered around the house, yearning for a conference call, hoping for a meeting, a chance to don a business suit ….wondering who am I now????