Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief


When Samantha first got sick I had to quit my job. I wandered around the house, yearning for a conference call, hoping for a meeting, a chance to don a business suit ….wondering who am I now????

Ironically, four years later, I still wonder the same thing.

The alarm went off at 6:30 this morning. I was on time, I was feeling good…feeling on schedule.

And then I attempted to get dressed.

The last time I worked a professional job was four years ago….after two pregnancies and maternity leave. I have now dug deep, deep into my closest to find hints of who that professional person used to be…..

Today I put on a pair of dress pants….not bad….

And then I tried to find a sweater. The first sweater didn’t fit right….it has never fit right…..I have no patience for things that do not fit right… the Goodwill bag. The second sweater had been dry cleaned five times and still has some sort of brown goo on the shoulder. The third had a hole right next my belly button.

3 sweaters, 3 additions to the Goodwill bag….one late me.

I finally got dressed and ran out of the house.

I returned once because I thought I left the coffee pot on.

I returned twice because I forgot our overdue library DVD’s.

Really late.

Really late and now being tailgated on the highway… tailgated I sped up to get into the other lane and out of said tailgaters way.

Pulled over by state patrol ……Mother f*&$#%!

Let go by state patrol due to my plea that I was only trying to get out the way….Thank you State Patrol Gods.

I pull into Starbucks to buy a Venti Latte’ to calm my nerves.

A Venti Latte’ to Calm My Nerves

Ironically, I sometimes miss the calm days at TCH……

I also now have a smart phone. It’s a Droid 2… sits next to my computer at work and every once in while talks to me if it gets bored……if it doesn’t feel like I’m paying enough attention it yells out….


My phone yells this in his computer Droid voice. I swear someday that phone is going to grow legs, crawl off the desk and take over the world. I won’t be able to stop him….

I’m frightened of my Smartphone.

I couldn’t figure out how to unlock Mr. Droid this morning. I had to call hubby.

Hubby laughed at my Droid fear and told me I could turn the voice off.

Yeah…right…..right after Mr. Droid grows those legs.

I’ve given Mr. Droid a name….Darryl….Darryl Droid. Now that doesn’t sound like a phone that wants world domination, does it?

I hope not…..when did the world get so complicated?

I miss tube feedings.

5 thoughts on “PHHHHHFFFFFF”

  1. Ready to go shopping then? I like shopping. 🙂 I'm sorry the start of your day was so exciting. Wish I didn't have this stinking cough, I would definitely be at the mixer this week. But, it would not be kind of me to pass the cough around. Hugs to you!


  2. Yes you miss those tube feedings. You miss your girl. You miss the whole reason you hung up your stilettos in the first place. Grief creeps up on you in the most inconvenient and surprising places. I can't imagine. None of us can. But we love you and are here to just sit with you. Much love.


  3. I had the exact same problem recently when I started my internship. Almost nothing to wear that wasn't stained, old, torn, too big, too small, or missing buttons. I found one blouse and one pair of faded slacks, a bit too long. Time to buy new clothes for my new job.


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