Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

The Turning

I did it….

I turned 40….

And apparently my mouth grew 10 times its size. Look at that mug! Clearly I’m having a good time; surrounded by my tribe, embraced by the people I love.

I danced out on the floor to I Will Survive with my friend Heather. Heather is a stage 4 breast cancer survivor. Out of the blue, I kissed her cheek (wine makes me kissy) and grabbed her hand….

“Heather,” I said, “we will survive, we will, we have to.”

We looked into each other’s eyes and gave a knowing look….one a mother without her child and one a mother facing a horrible disease. We have to survive.

And then we kept dancing…

I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive


Maybe this is why ancient tribes gathered together to dance, to leap in the air, to feel alive, to feel their heart beating, to forget that tomorrow they might be eaten by a lion, to celebrate.

I need to go out dancing more often.

The candles were lit on my beautiful, 4 tiered chocolate cake made by my lovely friend Charise. As happy birthday was sung, I kissed my husband, “I don’t know what to wish for,” I said.

“Wish for a happy life,” He said. I looked at my tribe, gathered around us, cheering us on through thick and thin, holding us up so many times I feel like I’m walking on air.

“I already have one.”

40….bring it.

9 thoughts on “The Turning”

  1. And then Heather unhinged her jaw and lovingly swallowed all of her friends whole. Happy Birthday Hank. And welcome to your 40s. Nice to have you along for the ride.

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  2. Didn't I also feel you up, multiple times? WHAT A PARTY!!! I'm so glad you're alive, that we share a soul heartbeat, and that you're surviving with the grace and raw honesty fitting of the tragedy you've undergone. It's my complete and utter honor to be called your friend. Love you so.

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