Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

For the Love

When we lost Samantha, her Grandpa Jim confessed something….
“You know what I will miss?” he said, “I will miss nights in the hospital with you all. Not when she was really sick, but when she was better, when we knew you would get discharged and we all just hung out in that little room together.”
I get it.
I miss those nights too.
This week is the Alice 24 Hours For Kids, a 36 hour telethon for Children’s Hospital Colorado. It’s a great telethon that always tugs at my heart strings and makes me think of Samantha.
We will never, ever be on the 8th floor.
And ironically, that breaks my heart.
I would love to be on the 8th floor again. Heck, I would love to be in the PICU again.
But we won’t…..ever.
And yet I am still passionately involved with this hospital; this hospital that houses my love, my hope, my grief and my memories

Today we had a great Mitochondrial meeting with the TCH team and I felt a drive and a commitment that is only triggered at this place. A feeling that I can help, even if only a couple families

After the meeting, I waited with Maria and Jacob and lovely Gemma for their radio debut. Our fabulous Dr. E came by along with our other wonderful nurses and I felt a sense of belonging…..
At Children’s Hospital, without our child, I felt a sense of belonging.

And maybe that is the connection…..those who knew her so well. Those who knew me when I could place a cath under a minute, when I could blend a mean keto shake on the 8th floor….my fellow Samantha warriors.
It is a bittersweet place that has nestled itself in the marrow of my bones.

But I guess if anything is going to nestle, it should be people like this.

My fellow warriors…..good job today. You can nestle anywhere.

1 thought on “For the Love”

  1. Absolutely know what you're talking about. I can not walk in front of those glass elevators and NOT think about our opera date with Samantha. Every time, I think of her. I'm glad it was a good day, surrounded by those who love you, and loved your sweet girl!


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