Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

No Words

What do you say when you don’t know what to say?

I have been trying (without success) to put into words, the meaning of the last week.






I have found that the best dishes combine the sour and the sweet, the sweet and the savory, the salty and the honeyed.

My favorite chocolate is dark with sea salt and almonds… there you go. This week was my favorite chocolate; complex, bitter and a salty at times, yummy, decadent, rich, fabulous, just a tad nutty and best paired with a lovely Cabernet.

Thank you for a wonderful week.

Last Wednesday was Samantha’s birthday. Our team hit $50,000 at 9:15 that morning. I watched with awe as our tally went up by the $100’s every minute. We had done this. We had done this.

$50,000 was going to fight the disease that took our girl.

I knew I would be glued to the computer if we stayed at home so hubby and I took a drive through Rocky Mountain National Park and up to Grand Lake.

I left my phone at home. We held hands, had a picnic and talked about the day she was born. It was a tad salty and a good celebration.

And our tally continued to climb.

And then came the weekend and our ride. Oh the weekend! I without a doubt, have the best team ever. I am still bathing in the love, support and generosity from this team and from our tribe of friends and supporters! Thank you all so, so much.

Everyone did great. The hard training paid off. We avoided the sinkholes through Leadville and it was amazing to see Summits for Samantha jerseys at every turn.

On the last day we met before the finish line to cross over together. As individuals rode up to the rest of the team, everyone cheered. And we all got on our bikes; 52 of us looking fabulous in our team ‘kit’ snaked up the hill to the finish line. We were a great, big Summits for Samantha biking parade!

And I cried all the way up…..happy cry….chocolate with sea salt.

Our tally continued to climb- $60,000

And we all went home, sweaty, (truly) salty, tired and energized, and took a nap.

Tuesday morning found me on a flight to Manhattan. My legs were still painted with temporary tattoos (how do you get those off?), my nose slightly sunburned and I felt like a giddy teenager after a date with a crush. I was in love with the weekend.

Yesterday was the day we lost Samantha, two years ago. The exact time passed as I was eating a lobster roll with a client. I noted the clock, looked up at the ceiling and played with my ‘S’ necklace as we talked about response rates. Later in the afternoon, I processed this crazy week by walking in crowds on 5th Avenue. It amazes me how lost you can get in New York among so many people, perfect.

We had a client party last night at a restaurant above Grand Central Station. It was decadent; caviar, tapenade, prosciutto and Parmesan were passed on tiny plates. Below us were commuters heading home after a long day, above us were the constellations and Greek Gods painted on the ceiling of Grand Central.

And our tally continued to climb to $70,000.

I stood in a cocktail dress with temporary tattoos still on my calves and felt somewhat ethereal; crazy, perfect, sad, embracing, powerful, loving, amazing week.

The waiter passed desserts- I took a dark chocolate brownie sprinkled with sea salt.

Thank you…..a million, bazillion thank you’s. You all are the Greek Gods on the ceiling of Grand Central Station 

4 thoughts on “No Words”

  1. Oh, sweet Heather. I know how much this event has been on your mind, how much you loved Ralph, how much you wanted this to be a meaningful experience. I'm so happy it turned out to be a lovely day. And I'm so happy you are willing to share what you learned, in such a thoughtful way, which allows Ralph's life to resonate even more. Sometimes just letting things come to life on their own is the most powerful step we can take, and I appreciate that you reminded me of that in such a beautiful way.Love, Cynde


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