Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Bye Bye to the Month of July

Adios July…..

Hasta la Vista!

Au Revoir!



July is my emotionally schizophrenic month. Somehow the emotional landmarks of my life all seem to deposit themselves in July. All I can do is hold on, navigate through the bad and absorb the good…absorb it like Vicks Vapor Rub 

Here is my July calendar: 

July 1: We gave birth to, and lost Jack
July 18th: Samantha’s birthday
July 20th-22nd: The Courage Classic
July 25th: The day we lost Samantha

I also have two Non-Profit Conferences in July on the East Coast….just to make things a little fun. 

And it’s hard to separate the good from the bad. The money we have raised from the Courage Classic is amazing. But it has been born from the fact that Samantha had a terminal disease. 

And so we hold on and ride the July ride…..

On July 16th, I started crying to a song called Florida, Georgia Line, otherwise known as Cruise. Here are some of the lyrics: 

“She was sippin’ on a Southern and singin’ Marshall Tucker
We were falling in love in the sweet heart of summer
She hopped right up into the cab of my truck and said,
Fire it up, let’s go get this thing stuck.” 

WHAT is emotional about those lyrics???!!!!

Nothing. But it brought me to tears, blinding tears on the way to work. The lyrics aren’t even GOOD! 

This is emotional roulette we play in July. 

And in between honoring my babies;  friends and family donate, come up to Copper, ride 156 miles in the Colorado Rockies and raise $82,000 in the memory of Samantha. 

$82,000 so far!!!!

MMMYYYYY Goodness!!!! More tears. 

Here I am on the ride

It is a three day tribute to Love. Love for my daughter, support and love for our family…as my dad says in the middle of July, “Thank God for the Courage Classic!” 


Here is a video….little preview of the amazing weekend we had:

I cannot thank our supporters, riders, donors enough. You keep my heart beating in July. 

tum-tum, tum-tum, tum-tum…..hear that? That’s my heart, beating in July.

As July ended, I found myself in DC at a conference. The opening speaker is one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Strayed who wrote Wild. 

Wild is about her path, hiking on the Pacific Coast Trail after her mother died. It is her journey through Grief. Oprah picked it up and started her book club again, starting with Wild.

Here we are bonding- I told her briefly of our story and how her journey spoke to me. 

She signed my book (that I already had but bought another one so she could sign it)….

To Heather

May you always find beauty on the wild journey

………..This is what I know about this month, I know without a drop of doubt. 

July is beautiful. July made me a Mother. July brings my friends and family together in a beautiful celebration. 

July is Wild. 

Life is Wild. 

The best we can do is hold on, enjoy the ride, grasp the ones we love…..tight…..and not let go until it’s kind of uncomfortable and you are wondering who is going to let go first…..and cry to random country western songs. 

July, I kind of miss you….kind of. 

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