3 Tips to Grieving Parents Surviving the Holidays

Hey Loves! Our Mito Memories group is talking about surviving the holidays on Sunday. I thought I would post my own guide.

3 Tips….maybe more but this sounded like a good place to start.

1- This is Yours

Believe this and covet this. What I am about to tell you is a horrible truth but I think if you know this, it helps. Are you ready?

This journey is yours.

No one knows the crazy-ass painful extent of your grief. They don’t, they cannot. They may think they understand and yes, they may be in your court and want to support you but Honey, Sweet Love, this pain is yours to carry.

And I’m sorry for that.

I tell you this because your family and friends may be super supportive. They may be there for loves, and hugs and kisses and they want you to be happy. My goodness! They want nothing for you to be happy.

But sometimes in this journey, you cannot, you physically, mentally cannot be happy.

That is okay.

Protect your right to be sad.

Guard this right for yourself and for your family. I had many people ask what was wrong with Hubs and was he doing okay. I said, ‘yeah he’s alright.’ When I should have said holy schmoly no! He is not alright! He is f8cking sad! Let him be sad!

Allow yourself to be sad. If you get too sad, allow yourself to find help. Help is awesome. Truly. I love sitting with someone who will listen and nod with me for an hour.

Validation is fabulous.

2- Find your muse

My outlet is to write.

Do you sing? Paint? Build? Knit? Draw? Photograph? Clean? Cook? Find you thing and think of your Love when you do it.

I have no outlet you may say. And to that I say you do. Dig deep, find it. Cook for the homeless, downward dog your ass off, glue-gun sesame seeds to bowls, glitter the walls…..

Find a place where you can find peace in your head.

3- Think of your Love

Honor that sweet little pickle. Honor that Love in your own sacred way, make that honor yours and yours alone. For me, this space is my very own lovely, guarded scared space, it is filled with songs that bring tears to my eyes, sunrises that take my breath away, a pair of Samantha’s shoes and a stuffed lion that ride in my car.

I love and kiss them all.

What’s crazy is that when I try to explain my sacred space to others: when a song comes on that reminds me of my girl….

Lumineers…..

Lovely girl wont you stay, wont you stay, stay with me

All my life I was blind. I was blind, now I see……

Something is watered down by my explanation to others and then I almost regret bringing that person into my sacred space.

Because this is my song, for my girl.  Lovely girl

So Loves. Find your space this season. Guard it with the intimacy of your love, your pain, the complexity of the shitiness you have been dealt. Make a list of three things that will make this season successful, make that success dependent on no one else but you.

You can do this. You can honor your Love and survive the holidays. Honor who you are, honor your sadness, honor your sacred space. Nothing else matters. Scalloped potatoes can kiss my hiney.