This is a big week for our family — and for you, dear Tribe, those of you who have embarked on this journey with us.

As we get closer to Thursday, and Cynde’s surgery, I promise not to leave you in the dark. I will consistently post updates here. I will let you know what I know.

And right now, I don’t know a lot.

Except for what I feel.

And that is that we are on high alert, waiting for Thursday.

Until then, there is life to be lived and moments to be had.

The family went to Spamalot yesterday. And when I say “the family,” there were about 20 of us in the audience trying to “look on the bright side of life,” searching for a shrubbery and keeping an eye out for murderous rabbits.

Ryan loved Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

As his disease progressed, Ryan’s speech could be pretty bad at times. He had a “talker” that helped him communicate phrases and needs. When he went into hospice, he asked the speech therapist to program it with phrases specific to palliative care.

His favorite was a button quoting The Holy Grail and “I’m not dead yet!”

He also had a button that said, “Ask my sister,” meaning me.

The button had a picture of a nun.

As in sister.

And if you know me…well, that sister/nun button was amazing.

It’s been six months since we lost Ryan. My lovely SIL decided we should celebrate and remember Ryski by going to Spamalot.

I think the timing was perfect.

The musical is completely silly, but tucked among the killer rabbits, Knights Who Say “Ni!” and general absurdity is a message that resonates:

Find your grail.

Last week, I sat in my therapist’s office and told her that nothing in my life feels solid or predictable right now.

She asked me what my anchor was.

I thought for a second.

“Walking the dog and swimming.”

“Do that,” she said. “And make it non-negotiable. Find a way to walk or swim every day. Make that your anchor.”

I’ve thought about that a lot.

Is swimming and walking the dog an anchor or a grail? Do I anchor or do I search?

Or maybe an anchor keeps you grounded while you search for whatever comes next.

Or maybe you start with small things that keep you tethered while everything around you feels uncertain.

Walk the dog.

Get in the pool.

Put one foot in front of the other.

Just make sure you don’t float away.

Or maybe I am thinking way too much about Spamalot.

But as we move into a big week, all of us are searching for that next step.

We celebrated Cynde’s birthday yesterday.

Before she blew out her candle, she looked around at all of us with resolve and said:

“You all know what I’m wishing for this year.”

We do.

And perhaps that is our grail right now…..a successful Thursday.