If you spend an extended amount of time with me, one thing will become glaringly obvious.

I am a child.

Seriously.

I can bring my game when I need to; fold my napkin in my lap, use the correct fork, sip my tea, clap appropriately……but to know me is to know that underneath it all I am an inappropriate hot mess.

And I fart.

Sometimes.

Tonight I am rolling off of a girls weekend filled with Neil Diamond cover bands, deep conversations, not-so-deep conversations, wine, cheese, chocolate and too little sleep. Those weekends are good. And needed.

If you haven’t had one in a while call your girlfriends up now. Call them! It doesn’t have to be a fancy weekend, or expensive weekend, book a night at the Holiday Inn, grab a bucket of chicken, a cheap bottle of wine, and talk in your comfy pajamas.

We don’t talk anymore. We do, we text, we post.

Talk.

Truth reveals itself over talk.

And chicken wings.

I spent a weekend in close quarters with my besties; eating chicken wings and brie, drinking chardonnay and pruning in the hot tub. Ironically, I during this time I forget how to sip my tea. I don’t care which fork is correct. And neither do my friends; which is a good thing.

Because day two of chicken wings and chardonnay leads to gastro distress. Distress that you can’t blame on the dog because no one brought a dog. Distress that when it’s quiet at 7:30 in the morning and your besties hear you toot from the bathroom, it is followed by five minutes of belly laugh.

Farts are funny. Finding friends that share in your seventh grade boy humor is priceless. Go gather your gassy gals and settle down for a weekend.

And chicken wings are still delicious.

I do like Thanksgiving. 

I find it the simpler of holidays….a holiday focused around a meal, gratitude, family….. 

Hubs and I went to Virginia to visit my Mama-in-Law. The flight is long, the drive is long….time to think…the visit is relaxing and instead of Black Friday shopping, I thought about what I am grateful for. 

I post a lot about gratitude and I do mean it- Our family and friends are like oxygen to me but if I said that the holidays don’t get to me a bit, I would be lying. I would love our family to be different. 

but we are not

and so I search for simpler things to make me grateful: 

1. Pink sunrises and sunsets: 
Times when the world is illuminated in pink are the times when I know my girl is watching over me. In Colorado, there are times when the entire horizon is enveloped in pink. I look up, take a deep breath, and thank her

2. People over 80: 
I spent this vacation with the most interesting people; one who was a secretary during the Nuremberg trails, another who spent time with Lindbergh (she commented that he was a crazy driver). So many stories, so much life, I ate it up with a spoon. We talked about life and ate pie. These 80+ women were the Cat’s Pajamas. 

3. Cats Pajamas: 
Just ‘cuz

4. I am happy I can read: 
14% of us in the US cannot. Think about that book that you treasure and how it changed your life. 

5. My body: 
HA! Because I never scrutinize it the mirror 🙂 

As I get older it is less about my pouchy belly but more that I am thrilled to have legs that will take me up a mountain and down a mogul field. It is not perfect but it works and I am happy everyday for my beating heart, my breathing lungs and my gigantic you-can-feed-a village-thighs

6. My job: 
I do like my job, my company and the people I work with

7. Our nieces and nephews: 
My goodness, how we adore you. And what a thrill it is to see the oldest become a good man, the youngest smile and the joy you ALL bring our families. That….. and you still think I’m cool or let me think I think I’m cool. I love you. 

8. My Babies:
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You will always be the best thing I have ever, ever done 

9. Hubs: 
Yeah…..you’re pretty good. It’s not until you walk through hell and back that you realize who you want to walk through hell and back with

10. I am grateful to this life: 
To this journey. We are here only briefly. What will we do? Will we lament how we have been robbed? or will we look for the pink in the sunset? 

As I set the Thanksgiving table we talked…..do we need to carve more turkey? Do you need more rolls? Stuffing? 

The response? We are good. We have plenty. 

Mama is a bit full of herself the past couple days. Her attention should be fully on ME but lately she’s like a giddy school girl.

She gets like this when she gets published. This week she’s seen her name in print twice so go figure, she’s queen of the world.

Earlier this week her essay on I’m Bringing Sexy Back came out in Get Born. It highlights a typical date night for Mama and Daddy……zzzzzzzzzzz……

Mama loves Get Born, adores the editor and says the writing is unique and snarky….whatever that means. I’m only interested in the pictures and as Mama would say, the photography is fabulous.

Check back here the next week or two….Mama will be giving away a Get Born subscription to her 20,000 visitor!

And then, THEN, because she just wasn’t prancing around enough…..this arrived yesterday; Mama’s second Chicken Soup publication. And there she is on page 25.

To make matters even worse, none of these stories are about me. Thanks Dad! is a story about Pops.

This sexy story is about date night. Date night? What’s interesting about date night? It only means I get a babysitter.

I the midst of her gallivanting around the house, Mama did manage to talk me for walk yesterday. She taught me how to moo at the cows….Silly Mama.

Sometimes after a tough week….

When our precious, fragile community seems to be on it’s knees…

When kiddos we know and love have been hospitalized, poked, prodded and even induced into a coma so that their poor brain can stop seizing…

I place Samantha on my lap,

And smell her sweet breath,

And kiss her nose,

And feel her eyelashes blink against my cheek,

And think that I cannot possibly hold her closer or adore her more.

My 20 year high school reunion was planned through Facebook.

I think the only computer class I took in high school was on a clunky IBM with a black screen and green characters, it hummed when it was thinking. This was before AOL had mail, when Amazon was only a river and Bill Gates was still nerdy. Now look at me, my computer is chained to my right hand; right by my i-phone and my mp3 player. The Internet is my social, artistic and informational network.

Facebook.

Because all Facebook don’t we? Of course we do (oh come on, admit it). We post pictures of our vacations, our children, our events. It is the ultimate, ultimate social network. When I got the invitation to my 20th, I started connecting with long, lost high school buddies; checking blog sites, seeing what everyone was up to, commenting on cute three-year old birthday photos.

As it got closer to our reunion, someone commented that maybe Facebook had replaced the need for reunions. Was this true? Did we no longer need to meet and exchange cute birthday photos if we had already done it on Facebook?

Interesting thought….I had connected with many people who I didn’t think I would ever see again. Suddenly I knew where they had vacationed in Europe, how many children they had and that on Thursday night, they were quite annoyed that the cat had thrown up on the Persian rug.

Does this qualify as a reunion?

My answer after this weekend is resoundingly…..NO….

It does help. Walking into room of people I hadn’t seen in a while, it was nice to know who just bought a house, who got married, who has a new girlfriend…..it takes the small talk out of the situation. It is a little strange however, to know so much about some one’s life who you actually haven’t seen in twenty years. It’s a level of knowing that maybe I haven’t earned because I haven’t actually seen them in a while.

And let’s face it, it is quite odd to meet your classmates new husband and already know that on Wednesday night they had quite the flatulence problem because their wife posted it on Facebook. Hmmmmm….let’s work up to that knowledge, perhaps over a beer or two.

So no, this network doesn’t replace conversation and interaction. We can blog, text, facebook, email and tweet…….it’s all good but it doesn’t mean quite as much until we meet…..

and it was good to meet again 🙂

So this post might be a little far reaching for some. I hesitated on posting it but these thoughts have been sticking with me through dinner and a thorough kitchen cleaning. It is time for me to purge…bear with me.

I walked a labyrinth today. I have never walked a labyrinth but I have to say, it’s quite a meditative, thoughtful event. My friend Quinn took our writer’s group through the process.

We waited at the entrance of the maze. Quinn gave us a meditation, something to ponder as we made our way through.

“Imagine you are entering the Universe of the Great Mother. You can envision her as the Great Goddess, Mother Earth, the Virgin Mary, the Buddha Tara, the Chinese Kwan Yin or any other feminine manifestation of Divine Energy.”

Got it. I rung the bell at the entrance and started my walk. As I walked, I thought of the Virgin Mary. This surprised me. I am usually a Mother Earth or Buddha type of girl but today, I thought of Mary.

Why Mary? I thought. I looked around. The prairie landscape reminded me of my trip through the Ilhara Valley in Turkey. Historians say that Mary settled Ilhara after Jesus was crucified. Perhaps that’s why I’m relating to her, it’s the landscape. I continued to walk and thought about my trip to Turkey many, many years ago. Years before I was a mom, years before my life changed so profoundly.

Maybe it’s because her life changed profoundly too, maybe because she was told what her life was going to be, maybe because before she was Saint Mary, the Virgin Mary, one of the most significant female figures in civilization, she was a mother. I thought.

Oh.

Well.

That could be it. Today Mary might be easier to relate to than Kali, the Hindu goddess who is known to lie in a bed of snakes.

I don’t like snakes.

So I walked the rest of the labyrinth thinking of Mary. Thinking of her strength, compassion and her role as a mother. She became more relate able to me than in any church service, any Sunday school or Western religion class and I was really happy to have her join me.

Funny thing is that I’m not really the religious sort but I was filled with peace and acceptance during my walk. Amazing what (and who) you can find in the middle of Northern CO.