Life, Grief, Hope, Joy, Writing it Out and Loving your Mitochondria:
Well, it wasn’t a bbq in the backyard but we still managed to have a good time….
Birthday Wish…..
Miss. Colorado came to visit…..Samantha not so sure about any of this
Autographs for everyone….
Especially Great-Grandpa!
This is an understatement!
Tired big 3 year old.
Not an ideal location but a decent celebration. Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!
Just when I want to get all pissy and sullen that we are in TCH on Lil’ Misses birthday….I get this sent to me from her Uncle Ryan, Aunt Jen and Honorary Uncle Joe. Happy Birthday wishes from the sites in Turkey!
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
S….
A….
M….
Wonderful!!! Thank you 🙂
Which got crazy Mama thinking….this is very last minute but if you have a second and want to send a birthday-wish photo to Samantha, send it to heather.schichtel@gmail.com and I will post your wish!
Uncle Ryan also sent Mommy a lovely new photo of herself
CHOMP!
Happy Birthday beautiful girl.
I am waging a war against these little bugs that keep infesting Baby Girl.
And oh yes, it’s very personal…
MRSA, Gram Positive Cocci, E-Coli…they are all on my hit list. At first I was somewhat casual about it. Bladder infection? Ten days of ammoxicillian? Well of course that should do the trick.
But now, after twenty days of infection and three return trips to the hospital, there is no more Nice Mommy.
It seems the infection has colonized…. Say the docs.
Colonized….I imagine little tribes of bacteria, hiding out in my daughter’s bladder, running and hiding when a big dose of ammox comes around and then resurfacing a day or two later.
“Whew! That was a close on wasn’t it Streptococcus?”
“Yeah, I think they got e-coli but we managed to escape.”
“Lets go find pseudomonas.”
Damm bugs.
So this last time we pulled out the big dogs. Two different kinds of I.V. antibiotics….vancomycin and clyndamycin…the nuclear warheads of antibiotics.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
And….Samantha is doing better. It seemed one more med made a difference. Her eyes are clearer, her color is better, she is sleeping better. Her blood and urine cultures are clean.
Thank God….
We also have her on a whooping dose of probiotics to try and bring back the GOOD bacteria.
The only problem is that a good General strategizes around the clock. Bacteria never sleep! We must be vigilent! Therefore, Samantha has been on a six hour med schedule.
We can do every six hours, can’t we?
Well, her meds take an hour and a half to deliver through her PIC line, which leaves four and half hours to sleep until the next dose is due, which means Mama has been a tired, cranky, General.
Today we had good news….it seems that the enemy is retreating. Today the PIC line was pulled and we are on an eight hour oral med schedule.
Eight hours is good.
Samantha is sleeping.
The General is going to bed.
There are days….
days when I’m rushing my daughter back to the hospital….
after having been out for less than 48 hours….
that I would like to morph into a Praying Mantis. You know, those neat looking green bugs that bite the heads off of other Praying Mantis’?
Chomp, Chomp, Chomp……
I’m not quite sure who would get it first. Would it be the driver in the left lane going 50 in a 75? Would it be the receptionist that can’t find our name on the schedule? Would it be the doc that questions why we are back?
Chomp, chomp, chomp……
I would only like it to be a temporary biting-off-of-the-head; maybe the head could grow back, maybe it could only be a nibble.
Chomp, chomp, chomp….
But if I did morph into a Praying Mantis we would be missing 90% of our medical staff (yes, at some point in time I have wanted to bite the head off of pretty much everyone who works with us) and that would be sad. They wouldn’t be around to do the wonderful things they did during this last stay…..
Wonderful things like get a PIC line placed for Samantha in less than six hours or push really hard to get us out tomorrow or coordinate home health care the day before a holiday so that we can go home.
Even if I only nibbled or if their heads grew back they probably wouldn’t be very happy that I decided to go all ‘Praying Mantis’ on them in the first place. They probably wouldn’t be very inclined to do all those wonderful things for us.
Pity….I do look quite nice in that shade of green….
It’s a delicate balance….what is rational…what is irrational….what is done out of love….what is said out of fear….how to keep my Mantis at bay….
Perhaps our doctors start to notice when I turn a bit green; when my jaw starts to lock and my eyes get a little buggy. Perhaps they speed things up, tell the receptionist to stay on the down-low, send the word out that this Mom needs some fresh air or at the very least….chocolate.
Thank goodness…we need them all…full bodied.
Chomp, chomp, chomp 🙂
This week…..
We checked back into Children’s on Thursday. Samantha had been on antibiotics for an ear infection. She wasn’t getting any better; perhaps a little worse. It was time, once again, to camp out on the 8th floor.
I called my parents and they expressed how sorry they were that we were back in.
“It’s okay,” I said, “we’ll get some answers and we’ll get her healed up.” I sounded slightly nonchalant and a bit blase’ about being back in. Have I gotten to used to this? Am I giving up? Just accepting that this is part of our life?
I don’t feel blase’. As I strapped on my big-girl undies, I felt like I was doing what was best for Samantha. Everytime we are back in, we move forward on the radar. We get more answers about tests, we push a little further.
Don’t get me wrong. I hate being in the hospital. But I think one of our greatest accomplishments as a family is that we have figured out how to be in the hospital. Our life does not stop.
This weekend I went for two 25 mile bike rides. I reserved a sleep room and got eight hours of sleep while Bart took the night shift. Bart went for a run and had a beer with my dad. We got out, we laughed…we had a decent weekend.
Samantha was exercised as she felt better. She was read to and cuddled for hours by her daddy.
Perhaps this works because we have to make it work. As I was riding today, I felt the warm wind in my face, the sweet scent of fresh mowed grass and marveled at how comfortable I’m feeling on my bike. I felt soulful, peaceful and strong. This is our life after all and we have to keep on living.
Speaking of life and growth….Samantha is growing MRSA in her ears and bladder. Infectious Disease has ordered more tests to determine how well her white cells are working since she gets infected so often. Hopefully, this will give us some answers.
She is comfortable right now and looking a little snarky. I think she’s feeling better 🙂 We’re hoping to go home tomorrow. She knows she is adored, not only by us but by all of you who keep sending good thoughts and prayers.
Thank you 🙂
Princess Samantha gets many requests from her fans. This latest was a little hard to decipher…it was all the way from our friends in France! Fortunately, it was from one princess to another….princesses speak the same language.
Here was the message from Princess Abigail……
I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !! I WANT MORE PICCIES OF THE LITTLE PRINCESS !!
Quite subtle, don’t you think?
What’s a girl to do?
I’ve been busy….keeping my father in line!
It’s a tough job.
Grandma Lyn came to visit!
We had several long chats.
Mom felt it necessary to take me to the eye doctor.
She then whooped it up with friends at her 20th high school reunion!
I didn’t know people could be so old!!!
They keep me busy…what could possibly be next????
The Sammer Hammer of course!
Me, Pop and Daddy!
Crazy, crazy Mama.
Me, my Aunt Poling, my lovely cousins, and Grandma Lyn!
Love my Daddy.
The Sammer Hammer raised $2,200 for epilepsy research. What a team!
Snogs to our friends across the pond!
XO-
Princess S.
My 20 year high school reunion was planned through Facebook.
I think the only computer class I took in high school was on a clunky IBM with a black screen and green characters, it hummed when it was thinking. This was before AOL had mail, when Amazon was only a river and Bill Gates was still nerdy. Now look at me, my computer is chained to my right hand; right by my i-phone and my mp3 player. The Internet is my social, artistic and informational network.
Facebook.
Because all Facebook don’t we? Of course we do (oh come on, admit it). We post pictures of our vacations, our children, our events. It is the ultimate, ultimate social network. When I got the invitation to my 20th, I started connecting with long, lost high school buddies; checking blog sites, seeing what everyone was up to, commenting on cute three-year old birthday photos.
As it got closer to our reunion, someone commented that maybe Facebook had replaced the need for reunions. Was this true? Did we no longer need to meet and exchange cute birthday photos if we had already done it on Facebook?
Interesting thought….I had connected with many people who I didn’t think I would ever see again. Suddenly I knew where they had vacationed in Europe, how many children they had and that on Thursday night, they were quite annoyed that the cat had thrown up on the Persian rug.
Does this qualify as a reunion?
My answer after this weekend is resoundingly…..NO….
It does help. Walking into room of people I hadn’t seen in a while, it was nice to know who just bought a house, who got married, who has a new girlfriend…..it takes the small talk out of the situation. It is a little strange however, to know so much about some one’s life who you actually haven’t seen in twenty years. It’s a level of knowing that maybe I haven’t earned because I haven’t actually seen them in a while.
And let’s face it, it is quite odd to meet your classmates new husband and already know that on Wednesday night they had quite the flatulence problem because their wife posted it on Facebook. Hmmmmm….let’s work up to that knowledge, perhaps over a beer or two.
So no, this network doesn’t replace conversation and interaction. We can blog, text, facebook, email and tweet…….it’s all good but it doesn’t mean quite as much until we meet…..
and it was good to meet again 🙂
So this post might be a little far reaching for some. I hesitated on posting it but these thoughts have been sticking with me through dinner and a thorough kitchen cleaning. It is time for me to purge…bear with me.
I walked a labyrinth today. I have never walked a labyrinth but I have to say, it’s quite a meditative, thoughtful event. My friend Quinn took our writer’s group through the process.
We waited at the entrance of the maze. Quinn gave us a meditation, something to ponder as we made our way through.
“Imagine you are entering the Universe of the Great Mother. You can envision her as the Great Goddess, Mother Earth, the Virgin Mary, the Buddha Tara, the Chinese Kwan Yin or any other feminine manifestation of Divine Energy.”
Got it. I rung the bell at the entrance and started my walk. As I walked, I thought of the Virgin Mary. This surprised me. I am usually a Mother Earth or Buddha type of girl but today, I thought of Mary.
Why Mary? I thought. I looked around. The prairie landscape reminded me of my trip through the Ilhara Valley in Turkey. Historians say that Mary settled Ilhara after Jesus was crucified. Perhaps that’s why I’m relating to her, it’s the landscape. I continued to walk and thought about my trip to Turkey many, many years ago. Years before I was a mom, years before my life changed so profoundly.
Maybe it’s because her life changed profoundly too, maybe because she was told what her life was going to be, maybe because before she was Saint Mary, the Virgin Mary, one of the most significant female figures in civilization, she was a mother. I thought.
Oh.
Well.
That could be it. Today Mary might be easier to relate to than Kali, the Hindu goddess who is known to lie in a bed of snakes.
I don’t like snakes.
So I walked the rest of the labyrinth thinking of Mary. Thinking of her strength, compassion and her role as a mother. She became more relate able to me than in any church service, any Sunday school or Western religion class and I was really happy to have her join me.
Funny thing is that I’m not really the religious sort but I was filled with peace and acceptance during my walk. Amazing what (and who) you can find in the middle of Northern CO.
Saints
Our life continues to be blessed with people who love Samantha and are not intimidated by her medical needs. This makes life doable, bearable, pleasurable and enjoyable. The latest addition to Team Samantha is Kelly; the daughter of our next-door neighbor, nursing student and fan of our little peanut.
Perfect!
Kelly shows up at the door with her keyboard so she can play for Samantha. She sings, reads and cuddles.
Mama goes out for a ride because it is, after all, only 2 1/2 months until the Courage Classic. Mama rides stress free knowing that another Samantha Saint is watching over little Princess.
Asses
Speaking of Mama….I must confess that there are times when yes, I can be, an Ass. Sometimes I don’t realize it until I’m in throws of my behavior and then it hits me….”oops….I’m being an ass”
The other day the car in front of me can to a stop and looked like he was trying to merge in the turn lane. Lanes on either side of us were moving quickly and it looked like he had stopped traffic so he could get in the turn lane (or at least this is what it seemed like to me).
“Oh come on.” I said.
No movement.
I honked my horn.
I tried to go around him.
I honked again.
And then I realized that the REASON he had stopped and was trying to change lanes was because the car in front of him had stalled. Ooops…nevermind.
THEN to make matters worse, he pulled into the other lane and made room for me to get by. I was so embarassed I rolled down the window and apologized.
“I’m sorry I honked at you. I didn’t realized what was going on.”
He waved, smiled and continued to eat his banana.
I was embarassed; me and my road rage. I then, on top of it all, he was nice!
I then I realized what he did. I had been an ass, he had let it pass.
I got an Ass Pass.
The other day I was out on my bike and got cut off by a car. We both stopped at the red light. Instead of giving him a lecture on sharing the road or at the very least a good glaring, I decided to give him a pass….ass pass.
Maybe it would be a better place if we didn’t assume that wrong doings are a personal assult but merely a person distracted or having a bad day. Maybe they just need a pass.
Tomatos
My garden is planted and I am growing baby yum yums that will burst into lovely veggies in a month or two. I love this! I love eating food I have planted, watered and cared for.
We have a rouge bunny that keeps showing up with a napkin, knife and fork. Not sure if I’m generous enough to give HIM a pass.
Happy Spring my friends
Mother’s Day was rainy, grey and a bit chilly. Did that stop my Mama from taking me out? Nah
We went golfing, as a family. It really was quite fun. I developed quite a knack for driving the golf cart!
Here’s Pops….where did his ball go?
Daddy takes a shot.
Mama’s happy to be out!
Nonnie, Mama and Me bundled up in the cart.
Crazy Pops!
My favorite place to be
I am too young to comment on this picture.
Now looking at this picture, golf just seems silly.
It was such a nice day and so much fun to do something as a family. Mama, by the way, golfed her best game ever! Good day.
