The Samantha Years

The Line Between Slutty and Matronly

Hubbie has a Christmas party this weekend.

I thought perhaps I needed a new dress.

And then I went shopping…..

I stood in the dressing room in a little cocktail dress, sucking my stomach in and thinking well maybe with some tummy sucker pantyhose, one of those push up bras and a little duct tape, I could pull it off

Note to self, if you have to alter the body to fit the dress, perhaps it’s not a good idea. Tummy sucker pantyhose don’t work well for me anyway…all the access ‘stuff’ has to go somewhere and I end up with really fat toes.

And who came up with the word pantyhose anyway? It’s along the same lines as moist….and yogurt. She put on her moist pantyhose and ate some yogurt….eeewwwww

So I decided to go for a more ‘conservative’ look since it is a business party. I tried on a longer dress with a jacket….ahhh, So comfortable…like a big sequenced mumu. Wait, I remember this look….my Grandmother wore it to my wedding.

Needless to say, I left the mall emptyhanded and wondering what happened to my look. Perhaps I lost it somewhere in the fat sucker pantyhose.

He he….pantyhose.

2 thoughts on “The Line Between Slutty and Matronly”

  1. Your sentence about moist pantyhose and yogurt made me feel squeamish. :o)The last time I had to dress up was for my sisters wedding. I couldn't find anything I liked, and I ended up with a wool skirt, boots, and a turtleneck sweater. I felt like a troll. I love dressing for “fancy” clothes…but never have any reason to wear them…so window shopping it is. I hope you find the right thing…and enjoy your evening out!!!


  2. You are hilarious! I think you should wear the fuzzy bathrobe from “I'm Bringin' Sexy Back.” Since my post-cancer fattening up, I'm in the same quandary. Still, since it's a rare evening out, I totally recommend you go with “slutty.” At the very least, maybe it will score you some action after the party. just sayin'…..


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