Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

The Search for the Good

It has been almost a week since I posted.

A week and I have been too busy to write. And I find myself a bit pessimistic, searching, and focusing on the silly and mundane.

I am also on a bumpy plane to Ohio next to the lavatory.

Of course.

When I don’t write, I forget to focus, to find the good. I miss looking for the little things. With Samantha, everyday, no matter how bad had sprinklings of good.

The joy of lifting her out of her car seat and carrying her into the house, her head resting on my shoulder.

Walking into her bedroom every morning just to watch her sleep.

Little sprinkles…

I now look harder but am so relieved when I do find them.

Today my husband playfully gave me a pat on the bum while I brushed my teeth.

His goodbye hug was a little longer as I would be gone for the duration of week.

He told me to tell the pilot he was carrying precious cargo.

Today I read an email from a high school senior who talked to her principal about doing a fundraiser for Miracles for Mito. She wants to help out anyway she can. She also asked if I planned on going down to Children’s over the holidays to make Christmas crafts with the kids.

The last statement still makes me grin. It also makes me consider that I should take a group of high school students to Children’s over Valentine’s Day to make Valentines because a group of high school students want to be involved.

Samantha taught me how to find the joy and it would be tragic to leave that gift behind. Every time I sit down to reflect and write, I am reminded to look for that gift.

Some days it’s a little easier with a pat on the bum and a high school student who took the time to talk to her principal about our cause.

I talked to our principal once. It wasn’t about fundraising, more about silly string in the senior lounge.

2 thoughts on “The Search for the Good”

  1. You are a grieving mama, so strong and resilient that it inspires many. I imagine the holidays will be very difficult and will think about you, your husband and your beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing her with us and for sharing your experiences —


  2. How wonderful about that high school student. I can tell you that this kind of compassion is rare in high school students lately (ask Matt!). And we miss your writing too, although we know how busy you are – you always bring a different perspective to us. Hugs – and enjoy Ohio.


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