Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief


In my old and wise age, I have learned that life is peppered…..

with the good and bad….

The incomprehensible wrapped up in solace, the cloud with the silver lining, kind of like a pigs-in-a-blanket, dipped in sweet and sour mustard, it is untimed, it is what we do not expect, the happy can make us sad, the sad can make us realize how much more we have.

Last week I attended my first funeral since Samantha. My Grandma Bishop was 94 years old and passed away a week after being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

She lived a good life and was ready. She even made brownies beforehand for those who came to visit her during her last hours.

How’s that for peppered?

I took a train from NYC to Washington to attend the service. I was nervous. I know death all too well and was not sure how my response would be.

But I sat next to my cousin Meredith and her lovely baby daughter Tristan. I held Tristan in my lap as she vigorously munched on my bracelet and screeched out in delight when the organ played.

Her head smelled like baby shampoo.

Sweet little head.

And there were times when I cried and there were times when I laughed to myself as I watched Tristan chomp on the church pew.

It’s a crazy cycle; a cycle that moves forward, propels us forward, ready or not. It’s not always good, not always bad. It’s holding a baby while listening to a funeral service and the sweet scent of baby shampoo that makes it all a little more bearable.

2 thoughts on “Peppered”

  1. I'm sorry for yet another loss in your family. I'm glad you're able to find some comfort in the simple things, such as the smell of a baby's head. I want to be like your grandmother and bake brownies for others……


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