Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

The Rise and Fall of a Boot Camp Queen:

I am not in the picture above. 

Because I hate push-ups. 

BUT….I signed up for Boot Camp. 

It was only three weeks. 

I have never taken a Boot Camp class before and quite honestly it scared me; all those push-ups, burpies and mountain climbers. But this class was only three weeks and I thought I could do anything for three weeks.


And quite honestly, I rocked it. I wasn’t the best one but I was kinda in the B+ range and I always like it when I’m above average.

I still can’t do push-ups….darn you push ups.

At the end of the class we all got in a circle and did a HOOYAH! I HOOYAH’ed all filled with my sweaty, stinky awesomeness.

On Sunday (after an awesome Boot Camp swim) I met my family to see my beautiful niece perform in the Nutcracker.

“You sound sick,” my mom said.

“Nah, it’s just a tickle.”


 By 9:00, I was coughing up a storm and checked myself into the guest bedroom.

Monday morning, I knew I would not partake in Boot Camp awesomeness, or work, or anything productive. I was coughy, feverish, sneezy, and the body that felt so strong and capable on Sunday, could barely make it to the couch.


I was sick.

I think of Samantha all of the time but it’s times when I’m sick that I think about how she felt….how it was to feel sick….a lot.

The last time I thought about this was on a United Commuter plane to Minnesota with a raging Urinary Tract Infection.

There is only one bathroom on a United Commuter Plane….and it is very small. And it was muy ocupado on that flight.

By me.

I got off the plane and b-lined it to the information desk to ask for the nearest Urgent Care Center.
TMI, right?

But the whole time I talked to Samantha….Oh Sweet Girl…I am so sorry you had these horrible infections. If you can help Mommy get to her rental car without passing out, she would be most grateful

And she helped. And I did not pass out. And antibiotics are a wonderful thing.

Yesterday, I crawled to the couch and pulled up the covers and thought of my girl. I felt sooooo weak. So devoid of energy and I wondered if was remotely what our Mito friends feel. 

I also realized I was stinky.

So I mustered up my strength to take a shower. Mind you shower only. I was so tired there was no shaving of legs, no shampooing of hair, conditioner was OUT of the question. If this continued, I would have to be the Christmas Yeti.

Hubs reminded me that there is no Christmas Yeti.

Darn it.

There should be a Christmas Yeti.

As I snoozed for another hour, I thought of those I know and love with energy diseases. I KNEW when Samantha was low on energy, I could see it in her eyes, her complexion. And those days, she just wanted to cuddle.

And I know adults who struggle with this disease. I thought of Olivia Sue, one of our adults with mito….and kids…..and she posts pictures on Facebook of the tree she decorated while on oxygen wearing her Santa hat, make up and looking beautiful. Because, energy or not, life goes on and a tree needs to be decorated…. God Bless her.

I did not decorate the tree wearing a Santa hat. I don’t think I own a Santa hat. But I might need one now.
I can pretend to know what my Girl went through.

But I don’t know.

And it’s not until I get sick that I can at least appreciate that I do not know what my Girl went through, or what Olivia Sue goes through as she decorates the tree, or how our other beloved mito kiddos and adults go through. Being sucked of your energy sucks.

So, I missed my last week of Boot Camp. But tonight I can get off the couch without cursing the Gods of Influenza……well maybe I give a tiny curse.

And I am reminded once again of what the incredible people we help are up against….to those, I cannot pretend to know what your day is like. But you are braver, stronger and much more persistent than I am…you are a bazillion burpies and two bazillion push-ups in one. And not the knees-on-the-floor push-ups….the real ones.  


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