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The Feels

Christmas night I sat with family and friends and we talked about bidding adieu to 2021- a year of false starts, unmet expectations and uncertainty.

“I never like to hold a grudge on a year,” my friend Heather said, “365 days lead to good things and bad things. No year is ever, truly 100% bad, is it?”

I fully agree! As a person who does not like sadness, my religion is finding the not sadness 🙂

I say this having just come off an ugly cry phone call with a friend- a dear friend whose SIL lost her home in the Marshall Fire.

This time is heavy. F*ck this time is heavy.

I was speaking to another friend today, “It is in my person to feel the feels, but Ginger….I’m tired of feeling the feels! We need a break. How much can we absorb?”

I am not a bounty paper towel.

And we are fine. Just like any other time of crisis in the last two years……we have heat, we have water, we have each other. We are fine.

But winds raged in our part of town on December 30th- 110 mile winds ripped power lines. Broken power lines hit dry grasses that have not seen rain in over four months. Dry grasses made explosive kindling. Kindling made hot embers. Embers flew through the sky in 110 mile winds…..hitting other trees, barns, homes……so many homes.

And suddenly my beautiful part of the world was on fire- extreme, intense, firestorm, fire. As pre-evac warnings were issued, my brother’s family stared to pack their van. My nephews packed their nerf guns from Santa. When you are five and told to pack a bag of important items, screw the toothbrush, get the nerf guns.

I write this knowing how fortunate they were to consider what to pack- thousands of other families grabbed their loves and left with hope and a prayer.

And now we sit in the new year in this charred land- a land that we love. A land that we hike, bike and live in. Where do we find hope in this promised new year? How do we say goodbye to a year of conflict, heartbreak and loss?

Well, I just don’t know.

And because I just don’t know, I had to write down my top ten list of gratitudes for 2021: Things are quite crappy but what makes us happy 2021 list:

  • I turned 50! I thank the universe for 50 years in this beautiful life
  • I celebrated my ALL my parents’ birthdays- my goodness- so grateful to be so parented
  • I got vaccinated- YAY Science!
  • I skied with my dad- at 71, he’s a ripper
  • I watched my niece graduate from Cornell
  • I raised another $100,000 for mitochondrial research
  • I rubbed my Granny’s feet
  • Hawaii with my Hubs
  • Weekends with beautiful friends- you are oxygen to my soul
  • Holidays with my Tribe

Another year- a year of life with you lovely humans.

AND because no good deed goes unpunished- no awesome event is without numerous failures…..I feel we must try for another 365 days of delight.

Last year I made it to February. Lets try for March! Check out tomorrow for day two of Delights.

Delight Day One: I delight in my Tribe. Those who offer no solution, only communion, harmony and trust. Lets move together in this New Year. Let’s pause to Feel the Feels, knowing we are human complex beings.

It won’t always be good.

It won’t always be bad.

It will be.

And I will be with you.

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