Chicken Soup! By Samantha

I’m writing today’s blog because Mama only has one typing hand. The other hand is giving herself a pat on the back….

A couple months ago Chicken Soup for the Soul accepted her essay, The Blessing Bowl, to be printed in their book, Count Your Blessings! Today, the book was distributed. We are very excited to see Mama’s work printed in a book! This is also Mama’s first paid writing gig…which is exciting too!


Here’s Mama in the bookstore with her Chicken Soup book!


I think it’s a nice cover!


And the essay!

The Blessing Bowl is the story of my 1st birthday. It’s a story of sharing, love, family, gratitude and changed expectations. I’m quite fond of it…especially since it’s about me 🙂

Mama also has books! If you are looking for a Christmas gift, shoot her an email and she’ll send you a book….heck, I’ll even sign it 🙂

The List

We have been waiting for the H1N1 vaccine. It’s never really been a choice for us, do we vaccinate? Do we not? It’s always been understood that if Samantha got H1N1, she would probably get really, really sick.

Hospital sick.

We are not fans of the hospital, even though we seem to spend a lot of time there.

So we vaccinate.

I have been calling to Children’s weekly to see if the shot is available. I called on Thursday last week to be told we were close…call on Monday….

So I called today and spoke to a nurse who was filling in for our regular nurse. The filling-in-nurse-situation is always slightly problematic. I admit I am spoiled….I usually call and talk to our regular nurse who knows us like the back of her hand…she knows Samantha…she knows when I have a certain tone of voice that something is really wrong…she just knows.

The filling-in-nurse doesn’t know….

“I’m calling about the H1N1 vaccine.” I say “Samantha should be on the list.”

“Oh, well we only got 100 doses and they have already been allocated.”

“We were told we would be one of the first to get the shot.”

“Can you hold? Let me check with the clinic.”

While on hold I told myself that maybe it was a good thing that Samantha wasn’t on the first 100 list. Perhaps she can wait. Perhaps their were kiddos sicker than her, kids with trachs, kids who were just, well sicker. I had done a pretty good job of convincing myself that another month of Tamiflu wasn’t so bad when the filling-in-nurse came back.

“Mrs. Schichtel? I’m sorry. I was wrong. Samantha is on the top 100 list to get the vaccine. You can come in this week. Let me transfer you to the scheduler.”

I felt a lump in my throat. So you’re not happy if you’re on this list? Not happy if you are?

Yeah, that’s kind of how it works. So relieved to get it…wishing we didn’t have to. Happy to be on the list in order to get the shot….wishing we weren’t on the list. The top 100 high-risk kids at Children’s is not a slot you hold your breath for.

In summary, Samantha will get her coveted shot on Thursday and her mama will breathe a little easier. I guess if you have to be waiting, it’s okay to be on the list.

Happy Halloween!

In the spirit of Halloween I wanted to share my scary story! This was written for a creative writing class about five years ago. Bahahahahaha!

Just Doing My Job:

His tall frame slowly sauntered into the room casting a dark shadow along the floor. He was thin, as if he could be carried away by the autumn wind. His face was long and stopped abruptly at a beetling chin which was surpassed only by his jutting nose. He stopped at the bar and gave the bar keep a spider grin and hissed for a drink. Bleeding the glass dry with a single swig; he turned to survey his surroundings. If eyes are the door to the soul, his was empty, a dark abyss. The matted hair on his head stood in sticky defiance against his scalp; even the follicle strained to stay far away from this man.

“So, what brings you to our little town?” the bartender asked, his voice rattling with fear. At once he regretted his question- he did not want to know anything about this tall, dark imposing man.

The man turned his ghost white head in a slow calculated manner. His black, nocturnal eyes looked the village bartender up and down as a bug he would like to squash.

“I am looking for someone.”

“Wwwwwoon’t find ‘em hhhere” the bartender stuttered. This dark man seemed to be taking possession of his tongue. “….Good people…won’t find ‘em here!” The bartender continued to nervously polish the same whiskey glass until he could see the reflection of the man before him. Realizing the image in the glass, he gasped and let go of snifter. It fell and shattered unto the hardwood floor piercing the air with a CRASH!!! The patrons of the bar who had resumed their conversation in soft tones suddenly became deathly quiet. A lone cricket, unaware of the danger in the room chirped quietly in the corner.

The dark man leaned in close to the bartender. The foul stench of whiskey and rotting teeth hung on the dark man’s breath. “Perhaps, dear innkeeper, things here aren’t exactly as they seem.” The dark man turned toward the door, grabbed the bottle of whiskey on the bar and swept into the dark pit of the night.

Out in the cold, the dark man pulled his collar around his neck. “I hate my job,” he muttered to himself. He took a long swig of the whiskey and waited for the warm drink to filter down into the cold of his toes. The position of Reaper was really the last one he wanted. He hated dealing with the public. They always took this ‘death’ thing so seriously. The required outfit didn’t help; long black robe, black boots…..that and he needed to get his teeth fixed. Too many years without dental insurance left him with a mouth that would put death to shame. Missing teeth and foul breath didn’t help his image.

He wished he could show up calling these people into the next world wearing Bermuda shorts and an Izod. Tennis racket at his side, brilliant, toothy smile….people would long to come with him! He would be like the Pied Piper! He smiled to himself as he thought of the long line of people clad in cruise wear as he lead them off into the after-life; all of them would be smiling, skipping along as thoughts of white beaches and blue seas would diminish their fears about the ‘unknown’. He made a mental note to talk to marketing about their positioning. They were doing this death thing all wrong….maybe hire focus groups.

Being a Reaper required long hours, lots of travel and being called out in the middle of the night. The Mrs. was constantly cranky because he was never home. A nice desk job would be good. Processing new entries might not be bad, a little admin work….but jobs were tight right now, and looked like he was the Reaper for the time being. He continued down the dark dusty road towards home; his feet throbbing after a long, hard day of work and bad boots. You know, he thought to himself, a company car wouldn’t be bad either.

He walked up to his dark house at the end of Bereavement Ave. He glanced up at the decrepit porch and sighed heavily, it was late. He was tired and he couldn’t find any life in the industry of death. He pushed the heavy door open. The entry way was dark and the dust in the air filtered through the green light emanating from the old Curtis Mathias. Mrs. Reaper sat in a chartreuse chase lounge in the corner, deeply inhaling one Marlboro Red after another, after all, what did she have to fear? Death?

“Where have you been?” she croaked through the noxious air. “You smell like whiskey! You been out drinkin’ with the boys? Why didn’t you call?”

He ignored the inquisition and instead opened the refrigerator door, scanning for his next victim, dinner!

“What’s for dinner?” He called to his wife.

“Chicken”, she answered, “but that was hours ago. It’s cold now. Where have you been??” his wife asked from the smoky living room.

“I ‘ost one” Reaper replied with his mouth full of chicken.

“You ‘ost one??”

“Lost one” he said after he took a swallow. “I can’t find Matty McGillicutty. Boss requested that he be sent up tonight. I went to the same bar he’s been going to everyday for 30 years and he’s not there. I’m gonna catch hell for this. He was supposed to be dead hours ago and I can’t find him.

“You’ll find him” his wife replied giving him a tender kiss on the cheek. “You always do.”

The Reaper tossed and turned all night. So much for being able to sleep like the dead. When he awoke, the bags under his eyes were even more pronounced. Matty McGillicutty had been missing for ten hours. If corporate got a hold of this, he would never hear the end of it. He got up early, dressed quietly in his dark robe and hulking boots, grabbed a quick cup of coffee and headed out the door.

He made a sharp turn onto Debilitated Dr. The local hospital stood at the end the end of the street. Reaper smiled devilishly. Hhhhmmmmm, the hospital…. He picked up his gait a bit.

Reaper stepped authoritatively through the electric doors at the entrance. The smell of rubbing alcohol and sick filled the air. He whisked through the waiting room, driven by intuition. He ran up the stairs to the 3rd floor; glanced left, then right and smiled an evil smile; McGillicutty, room 355. He ignored the nurses request to stop and ran down the sterile white hall. The door was slightly ajar and Reaper could see a small, frail man sitting on his bed looking out the window.

The man turned slowly as if he knew the Reaper was there. His face lit up as soon as he saw the large, dark foreboding man in the doorway. “THERE you are!” he said to the Reaper. “I’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long? Please, please, come in! Come in!” Matty McGillicutty waved the Reaper in.

The Reaper was confused. He was used to screams, fits, hysteria, (rightfully so) when he showed up unannounced. He dawdled at the door with a sheepish grin, looking at his feet like a little boy.

“Please” Matty said, “Come in, I’d like to have a look at you. Oh my, you are a fright, aren’t you? Do you dress like this on purpose? You DO look horrid! Why, if I wasn’t expecting you and you just came out of the blue to surprise me…..well I don’t know what I would do, but it wouldn’t be pretty! Ugh, why does death have to dress so bad? And those teeth!!!!” With that, Matty opened his mouth, pulled on each jaw, and handed the Reaper his false teeth. “Here take these. There is no reason, whatsoever, why you should have to go around scaring everyone like that. This next step is scary enough without dirty robes and bad teeth!”

The Reaper didn’t know what to say. He stared at the floor. “Thank you?” he looked up at Matty sheepishly.

“Don’t thank me!” Matty said “Let’s get down to business; three years, 2 months and 28 days ago you visited my sweet wife, Corrinne. She was sick and it was her time. But now I’m sick, I miss her and it’s my time. I would have been at the bar last night but I took a fall and my daughter insisted on bringing me here…..overnight for observation. Well, I’ve been observed, poked prodded, bled, tapped and wired and I miss my wife.” Matty got a sly little grin on his face. “Let’s go see my sweet Corrinne.”

Reaper took his hand, led him out the room, through the corridor and out of the hospital. He led Matty down Debilitated Dr. and they kept walking until they found themselves in a golden field with grasses licking their fingertips and the rays of the sun kissing their face. Matty looked around for his wife. He suddenly gave a little skip in the air and raced through the field towards a woman watching him wearing a wide-brimmed hat and giggling like a school girl. His Corinne….

Reaper looked at the couple and gave a slight grin. My work here is done.
He took out Matty’s false teeth and fit them into his mouth and gave a big toothy grin……hmmmmm, not a bad fit.

844

844 is a significant number. If someone gave me $844, I would be pretty happy.

I try to stay away from the super-duper fudgy cream pie containing 844 calories.

An 844 mile road trip would take a while.

Because 844 is a hefty number, it’s not a thousand, it’s not a million but it’s a lot.

On Monday, our super-smart mitochondrial doctor commented that Samantha had gone through a significant amount of tests, I asked him how many he considered significant.

“844.” He replied.

“Samantha has had 844 medical tests?” I asked

“Yes, 844.” He replied in his super-smart Belgian accent.

It’s a lot of tests….especially for a three year….that’s almost a test a day. I’m old and I don’t think I’ve had 844 tests. 844 tests at my age would mean I would have to take 21 tests a year. Even during my school days, that’s quite a lot of exams.

And I really wasn’t a scholar.

Some of these have been repeated….often. Every UTI lab analysis is recorded, every metabolic panel, every blood draw…but still.

Heather, 844? Really? And they still aren’t sure what’s going on?

Well, we’re narrowing some things down. When I think of genetic testing, I think of the game Clue.

Remember Clue? Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a pipe? One of my favorites; I was never very good however. I would lose track of who guessed what and I have a sneaking suspicion my brother would glance at my cards when I wasn’t looking.

In the genetic, crazy DNA world, imagine Clue with 23,000 different characters, thousands of different rooms and just as many different outcomes.

That would be a really, really long Clue game; perhaps requiring 844 different guesses (847 now….we ordered a couple other tests)

We are lucky in the fact that we have really good detectives….crazy smart CSI, DNA type detectives. They can sniff out Colonel Mustard in the library….sniff ’em like a bloodhound…all 23,000 of them.

Bug Cake! By Samantha

While my mother has been busy posting inappropriate topics on the blog… parading around in skimpy outfits and fleece socks…. relaying waaaaaayyyy too much information about my ear….I have been busy doing what I do best….

Being absolutely adorable!

This was my bug cake celebration.

Our friends Jen and Michelle kindly asked a friend of theirs to make a ‘bug cake’ for my third birthday. Since I had been fighting so many bugs this year, we thought it would be appropriate to have a bug party and show the bugs who was the boss. Unfortunately I was in the hospital…with a bug on my birthday, so the bug cake celebration was put on hold.

This was her amazing creation. How lucky are we to have such good friends!

Bug Cake kept well in the freezer but there was no way our family could eat such a cake. We needed a grand celebration in order to enjoy such a grand creation. Fortunately, Samantha’s cousin was willing to share her birthday. What a girl!

Birthday girl

Making a wish

MMMMMMMM….bug cake

I think I approve!

Oh yes, bug cake is the best!

Really, really quite tasty!

And I’m full.

Thank you, thank you Jen and Michelle (Fred and Kathy too for storing said bug!) The only thing that could have made it better would be to celebrate with you.

If it looks like snot, smells like snot….tastes like????

Okay, I do draw the line at taste.

For the last month, Samantha has had this goopey, nasty looking stuff draining from her ear. She hasn’t been feverish or seemingly sick so I’ve just been cleaning it out with a q-tip and a little hydrogen peroxide.

I’m a little gross in that I kind of enjoy cleaning goopey, nasty stuff out of her ear….I’m an immediate gratification girl.

The ear stuff looks like snot. I have joked that Samantha would be the type child to have a runny ear instead of a runny nose. It’s just the way she rolls.

It doesn’t seem to be bothering her, snotty ears don’t bother me and in a valiant effort to avoid Children’s Hospital we’re all trying to manage this at home, without antibiotics.

It was a good try.

Last week Samantha had a bladder infection, her token snotty ear, a seizure and stomach issues. I threw in the towel and loaded up the car to Children’s.

The doctor looked in her ear. “EEEEEEWWWWWW.”

“I think it’s snot,” I said.

“Heather, it’s not snot. Snot comes from your nose….this is….”

Are you ready?

Here it comes

“discharge…

filled with pus”

Ugh….give me snot any day.

So the ear pus was cultured and found to be (yet again) MRSA positive.

Poor Peanut.

We were sent to the ear, nose and throat doctor to have everything cleaned out.

“I could have sworn it looked like snot,” I told our ENT doc

“Oh it’s snot. Yepper…it’s all your sinus cavity…all comes from the same place.”

Ah ha! My snotty suspicions have been validated and it sounds so much better than

discharge

filled with pus

Ick.

Lil’ Miss is hanging in there despite her crazy mother chasing after her with a q-tip and analyzing the findings…..and despite having yet another MRSA infection. She is quite a trooper.

She also says the next post is hers.

Drama Lama bo Bama

Living in northern Colorado, the balloon boy drama has unfolded in our backyard. I admit I am guilty to reading the TMZ posts as I check my email. I watched the news this evening, reporting ‘breaking news’ about the family…..

Yes, I am guilty to succumbing to this media fiasco.

There is something different about this story however…..As a family who lives in a constant state of drama, it’s hard for me to imagine someone wanting to create MORE drama for themselves.

My hubby asked me last year what I wanted for Christmas……

“I no longer want to be the family that consistently receives sympathy or get well flowers” (this was after Bart’s father passed away and I had accepted our 5th sympathy arrangement)

Don’t get me wrong. If you would like to send me flowers I will GLADLY accept them…..‘no get well’ or ‘thinking of you flowers’ please…just ‘Wow! I loved your kitten heal pumps! flowers’…those would be good.

We would love to be the boring couple down the street.

So it is hard for me imagine someone inviting a circus into their house.

I have a small overnight bag packed in the car (at all times!) in case we have an emergency trip to Children’s and I need a clean pair of undies.

So it is hard for me to imagine someone staging a situation where there child is in jeopardy.

AND (this hits close to home!) we rely on the emergency services of Larimer County to be here at a moments notice should we need them.

So it is hard for me to imagine someone planning a situation that take 80 different Larimer County EMS teams out service while they look for a balloon with no balloon boy.

Yes, Samantha’s Mom has succumbed to the BB hype. So I say no more! This was about getting attention for a reality show? Alrighty then, no more Rock of Love, Wife Swap, Nanny 911, Hell’s Kitchen, Toddler and Tiaras, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, or Jon and Kate Plus Eight for this stay at home mom…..no sireeeee.

I’m focusing on other drama….we had a lovely weekend (pics to be posted!), the Snider family welcome beautiful baby boy Porter….named after my Great Grandma Nonnie. And Get Born friend welcome Baby Opal at her home birth…..

Good drama…solid drama….positive drama….life….you can’t make that up…no matter HOW many CNN trucks you call.

Do I really have to give up Rock of Love?

Donuts!

I entered a writing contest a month ago…the premise of the contest is below…

“You are the sheriff of Absaroka County, Wyoming. It appeared to be an ordinary day, but then …”

We couldn’t exceed 500 words…I didn’t win but here is what I came up with 🙂

“Sherriff?”

“Dammit Joe….this better be important. It’s early and just got myself a coffee and bear claw.”

“Lucy Miller’s running around town.”

“Again? She’s not …is she….?”

“Naked as a jaybird.”

“The usual place?”

“Uh huh. They’re scheduled to bury Bill Jones at 10:00. The caretaker’s beside himself and won’t step outside until Miss Lucy’s gone.”

The Sherriff grabbed his coat, a robe from the lost and found and was out the door. He could only imagine the maelstrom should the poor Jones family find a naked, 90 year-old woman running around the Absaroka County cemetery.

He pulled in through the gates. On a hunch he drove over to Lucy’s husband’s grave. He could see her body laying still in the grass; her long grey hair blowing gently in the wind. Oh no, she’s dead, he thought.

The Sherriff ran over to the body, “Miss Lucy, Miss Lucy?”

Lucy rolled over to her back and opened her eyes. “Well hello Sherriff.”

He let out a long, relieved sigh and then remembered the task at hand. “Miss Lucy, come on now. You know you’re not supposed to be out here…..naked. It’s cold. Put this on and let’s go.” He tried to lay a robe on top of her exposed body without looking at anything.

“This is my favorite place Sherriff and he is right here, aren’t you, John?” She giggled and rubbed the grass gently with her hand. “The grass tickles my bum. He used to tickle my bum.”

He blushed at the thought and tried to focus on something else. The caretaker peeked out the window and then darted behind a curtain. “Please Miss Lucy, the Jones funeral starts in an hour.”

She slowly sat up, the robe falling off her shoulders. “Well, who am I to hold up a funeral.”

“Thank you ma’am,” He bent down to help her up when Miss Lucy got a wide eyed-look and pulled away.

“Sherriff! Sherriff, did you ever see him?”

John Miller died before the Sherriff started working in Absaroka County. He never knew the man, only the legend that brought a 90 year old woman out in her birthday suit.

“No Miss Lucy, I’m sad to say I never saw him.”

“Oh, he was,” she sighed and held a blade of grass to her cheek, “intoxicating …. fabulous.”

“I’m sure he was fabulous. I’m sure you both were.”

Her eyes snapped open. “Still am.”

A florist truck pulled up to the funeral home. The Sherriff heard a loud discussion and the panic in the caretakers voice….crazy lady, naked, don’t get paid enough for this crap. “Miss Lucy, it’s time to go. We have donuts at the station house.”

“Donuts! When life hands you donuts….you should eat them.” This time she did get up and much to his relief tied the robe. Her hands held clumps of grass.

“Can we leave the grass here?”

She held the grass to her nose and inhaled deeply. “Course not, John wants a donut too.”