Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Bad Breakfast

Taboo, Sugary Cereal Day at work lead me to several interesting observations……


I really did bring Lucky Charms.

I haven’t had Lucky Charms since I was 8…..there might be a reason for this.

I walked into the cereal aisle looking for my marshmellowy delight and wondered where the heck it was. At eye level, I only found Special K, Corn Flakes and Fiber One, no sign of my little leprechaun.

And did you know, Lucky the Leprechaun was born in 1964 and has been magically delicious ever since?

I love the wide world of Web.

But I digress….

I couldn’t find Lucky and his Charms because all of the sugary cereal is located two feet above the cereal aisle floor; eye level for the wandering 4 year old. Seriously, next time you’re in the cereal aisle, look down two feet, it’s a crazy, cartoon, cereal party down there; Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop, CocoPuffs, and that nutty Toucan…..all down there.

Crazy.

So I brought my Charms of Luck to work and continued to drink my coffee and helped myself to a bowl….because after all, they’re magically delicious!

Fifteen minutes later, my heart started palpitating, I couldn’t speak in complete sentences and I was skipping through the hallways singing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria. Clearly, I was suffering from a caffeine, Lucky Charms overload from only one bowl.

My only thought was they feed this to small children in the morning and then put them on a bus????!!!!

Thank God it now comes fortified with fiber and calcium.

But the marshmallows are now bigger so one negative probably cancels out the fiber positive.

I will probably wait another 32 years for another bowl of Lucky Charms….that leprechaun is quite naughty.
Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

244 First Things First TV – "Mouse Trap"

There are many things going on in the life of Me but tonight I just needed a little chuckle……

So, I give you my lovely friend Heather Stewart and mouse bread.

Heather was the organizer of ‘The Newport Beach Cougar Extravaganza’.

I adore her and find her quite hilarious. The commentary here was typical of Newport weekend discussions…..that and a couple margaritas…..Lordy.

***Warning….do not try to watch this video while having a snack, breakfast, lunch or any bready item…..

Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Lucky Charms

Living with a child as sick as Samantha, the inevitable was in the back of my mind. I hated to think about what could happen, even though I knew the chances of that happening were a very true reality……


What would I do if we lost her????

I always thought I would turn to something dramatic and life changing…..I will live in Africa with the elephants…..I will work with children who have AIDS……I will work tirelessly at Children’s Hospital, consoling parents of terminal children……

Today I went back into the professional world. Surprisingly, I went back to the company I worked at before Samantha got sick.

I decided I didn’t want to work with the elephants……I want something familiar. I want to work with old friends at a job that I liked and I did well.

So I did just that.

Driving in today was a little bittersweet. For as demanding as being Samantha’s mom was, it was seamless and lovely. It will always be my favorite job.

Going back to work is a big step in moving forward….a big necessary step. I couldn’t watch another episode of Oprah, my sweats were starting to fray and I need a little structure and another focus in my life.

And now I have it.

I walked in today to hugs, smiles and comments of we are so happy you’re back. And I am too.

Tomorrow our group is having a breakfast meeting. We’re supposed to bring our favorite, taboo, sugary cereal.

I’m bringing Lucky Charms.


Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

It is none of my business what other people think of me…..

But we still worry about it don’t we?


Well I do.

Which is actually kind of funny because I can be loud, somewhat opinionated and I know I have been known to offend.

Still worry about it.

And it bothers me that it bothers me.

I presented to a group of nurses a couple days ago on how to work effectively with parents who have chronically ill children. The discussion was lively and somewhat controversial but it got us all talking about how to work as a team…..talking is good.

I walked away empowered and feeling great.

And then I read the reviews……

“I’m so bummed,” I told hubbie. “Five people, 4% of the group disagreed with the material presented, my material.”

Hubbie laughed, “Only 4%? What did the other people think?”

“I guess they thought it was helpful.”

“95% isn’t bad.”

“Um…..96%…..but what did those five people think?” I asked. “Did I upset them? Did I say something wrong? Do they not like me? Why couldn’t I be 100%?” And then I laughed because I sounded slightly neurotic……only slightly.

Truth is, I never really wanted to know about those five people. It’s really none of my business what they thought of my presentation and given the nature of the conversation, they probably were offended. It’s hard to talk about how parents and nurses can collaborate better without getting a little emotional….we all have our stories.

Despite really wanting to sit down with those five people and hear their opinion, listen to what irked them, I am trying hard to let it go. Why focus on the bad evidence when the good evidence is good? Why spend precious brain time on this? People are going to like ya….or not and I guess it really is just none of our business…..

that’s what I’m telling myself.
Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Power Grief and Doritos

I’ve been off-line the last couple days……


I’ve been with my Garmisch sisters.

Pictures will be posted soon…..

And I have to say, if you have something you need to sort out in your life, if it be death, divorce, heartbreak, bankruptcy, in-grown toenails……go sit on a beach with your sisters.

Eat bags of Doritos and drink margaritas. To hell with yoga, aligning your chi, high cholesterol, counting calories…..throw it out the window, at least for the weekend.

Go sit on a beach, stare at the waves. Discuss important topics such as which sea bird would be the best to go drinking with?

The answer? A pelican (of course)

Howl, howl at the crazy moon. Go skinny dipping in that cold, cold Pacific at midnight…..moon that moon right back.

Curse God, love God, love your sisters, cry, hug, laugh until you think you might throw up….and then laugh some more.

Talk about your daughter, talk again and talk some more…..no one listens better than your sisters.

Sing Jimmy Buffet at the top of your lungs….top that off with Melissa Etheridge and the Steve Miller Band…..call it the Cougar Musical Trifecta.

Sit with a dog on your lap and a glass of wine in your hand.

Last but not least…..eat a corn dog and a funnel cake.

Get on that plane on Monday wondering why you’re so sore and wondering how you got those bruises on your leg. Sit on the plane laughing to yourself as you remember the weekend.

Sleep for two days.

No one said it would be easy but that’s power grief for you.

Thank you my Lovelies. Thank God for my Tribe.
Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Does it fit?

A couple years ago, I threw out all my tiny, revealing underwear.


I realize this is too much information.

It wasn’t that it didn’t really fit, just that it no longer fit my lifestyle. I was no longer the tiny, sexy underwear girl. I was more the practical, cover my entire hiney Fruit of the Loom type of lady.

My life is like my underwear.

It isn’t about what fits…I can fit myself into many, many things given the proper modes of support. But if it rides up in certain areas, if it makes me all squirrley and uncomfortable, it’s not worth it….no matter how cute the pink lace is. My life now is about what’s comfortable, whats makes me feel good, what makes me feel covered and supported.

After Samantha, I worried if my relationships based on Samantha would still be comfortable; would they still make me feel covered and supported? Even if the basis for the relationship was no longer there? Would I be uncomfortable? Would I try to fit into something that was no longer me?

Here I am with the Supermoms, after Samantha. It fits, it still feels good, the coverage and support is fabulous.

I am so very relieved 🙂

These pictures were taken during a Canvas and Cocktails evening fundraiser for our little friend Cici (the sweet little girl in my arms). It was wonderful to fit right in again….being part of the Fruit of the Loom….I think I’m the banana.