Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

Today’s post is not mine

Today’s post does not come from me.

It’s comes from one of Samantha’s dearest advocates….Sweet Caroline. Caroline is seven (gosh, I think seven, I should know this). Caroline is big sister to Max.

Max and Samantha bonded in pre-school.

As a result, Caroline and Samantha became close.

To make things even more fun, I adore Caroline and Max’s mom, Rebecca.

I miss seeing them at preschool drop-off.

Come to think of it, I miss preschool drop off.

But here is my post, from Mom Rebecca and Caroline. Rebecca was telling me about show and tell and Caroline’s class, ‘Me’ is Rebecca. ‘C’ is Caroline. Baby Samantha is one of Samantha’s baby dolls I gave to Caroline. Caroline named the doll Samantha and takes very, very good care of her.

me: how was show and tell today?

C: great I brought Baby Samantha!

me: what did you tell them about her?

C: I told them the story of the real Samantha, that she got sick near her birthday and she died while we were traveling and how I came up stairs and saw you crying.

me: oh.. you told them I cried?

C: Yes, you cried a lot, but I didn’t tell them how much I cried, is that ok?

me: totally ok.

C: I told them about Miss Heather and how she gave me Baby Samantha and how I kept the lady bug mirror I was going to give Samantha and how I think about her.

me: ah, very good things to share.

C: Let’s go outside and take Baby Sam for a walk

I wrote to Rebecca, saying that it had been a tough week at work. And that as always, Samantha stories touch the deepest, most secretly kept corridors of my heart.

Here was Rebecca’s response

I am glad I could make you smile! I loved talking with Caroline today and was pretty surprised by what she said. I was totally expecting her to tell me that she showed the class how the baby doll cried and how it came with accessories. I had no idea she was going to go into all that detail. I am not sure if I have told you, but the doll is really a baby Sam to her. She sits in the doll wheel chair and she uses a special doll walker for her too.

It is her way to connect with Samantha’s memory, a way for her to still play with Samantha. It was very important to her that she brought the doll into Max’s/Samantha’s classroom today.

I have noticed if she is having a down day that is the first doll she goes to. It seems like a long year doesn’t it? I feel like I have known you forever, but it really was just about this time last year that we really began to get to know each other. I remember how sick Samantha was in April. It was the same time as Max’s MRI and Spinal and when we found out about the Glut 1. I feel like five years have gone by since we got that diagnosis.

Out of the mouths of babes, seriously. I thank God for these sweet stories and these sweet little people who tell it like it is.

Thank you Caroline.

3 thoughts on “Today’s post is not mine”

  1. Caroline will be thrilled to hear you think she is seven, the big day in not until November.Watching my kids love and continue to love Samantha has been an incredible gift to me. Both of them connected with her at a level I am not sure I will ever truly understand. It is beautiful.


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