Category: Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief

oof- this was the first couple years after we lost our girl, coping and recovery

Milk

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief10 Comments

The milk was curdled today. Hubby poured it onto his cereal and it landed with a plop into his bowl.


Yuck


The expiration date was 7/31/10….
It shouldn’t have been curdled, it should have lasted another seven days after the expiration date. He told me he thought it was Jack and Samantha…plopping the nasty, stinky milk into his muesli. He said the world will never be the same with those two running around in Heaven.

I have a whole new appreciation and love for this man.

So much love I drug him to Water World yesterday.

This is what every self-respecting, grieving mother does when she loses her child.

She rides the Screamin’ Mimi, gives herself a ginormous water wedgie and holds her hubby’s hand on Tortuga Run.

We really, really needed to get out of the house.

So we did.

And we had a lovely time…..hanging out with the Coslins and the Martins….but every once in a while I would drift off…leave the middle of a conversation to watch a child run into the spray, see a parent chase after a toddler or or gaze at a blue Bob stroller being pushed into the park.

Then I was back.

And I think this is how it will be….a combination of happy and sad, being so touched by what people will do to keep us going, engaged in the conversation and then leave for a while into my own thoughts.

Hubby and I opened the cards from the memorial service last night. So many beautiful words, so many beautiful people.

Hubby would ask….Who is this person? How do we know that person?

She is a therapist, I know her from a TCH committee, he is a friend from high school, they are parents of my college roommate…..

We read cards for three hours.

Full Heart

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief13 Comments

Since Samantha’s diagnosis, I have dreaded the thought of last week.


I knew this day would come. I was pretty sure I would out-live my daughter given her bleak prognosis and I was terrified as to how I would react.

Would I be able to get out of bed?

Would I be able to brush my teeth?

Hold a conversation without sobbing?

Would I hate the world?

Would I hate God?

Would I hate myself?

Would I hate my life?

We are one week into a very long, life changing, sad process and I don’t know how I’ll be tomorrow, or in the next hour, or family holidays. I know times will be hard and times will be sad.

And unfortunately, I found My Grief in the living room this morning; he had tracked his dirty footprints throughout the house and pee’d on the couch. He followed me around, drank my last bit of coffee and stole the Sunday comics.

Bastard.

BUT I have found that I am able to get out of bed and brush my teeth.

This morning Hubby and I laid in bed and talked about the beautiful memorial service, the wonderful people who came to honor Samantha and the glory of the day.

We even laughed.

We laughed

And it is because of the beautiful village that gathered for us and our Lil’ Miss….the wonderful service…..the great music, my hubby’s story, an amazing video, beautiful flowers, the power of a cell phone call, and the glory of all of you….300+ people who gathered to celebrate my child’s short life. And the sweet, sweet thoughts of those who could not make it.

Thank you.

The picnic was amazing….so many people, so much laughter, a run through the splash park getting soaked in our Sunday Best and the grand finale….a short visit by the police……..

Just to make things exciting.

I am still breathing. I am still walking. And because of you all, I am still smiling and laughing.

She is always on our minds and we miss her, but you all have cradled us in your spirit, carried us along, loved us and shared in your own tears and your own joy for our daughter.

I could not do this without you. Thank you for being there for me and my family.




Samantha’s Obituary

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief6 Comments
Here is Samantha’s Obituary. It was printed in the Loveland Reporter Herald yesterday.

Her daddy wrote it.


SCHICHTEL, Samantha, 4, daughter of Bart and Heather Schichtel. Memorial Service 11 a.m. Saturday, July 31, at Faith Evangelical Church.

Publish date: 7/27/2010

SamanthaSCHICHTEL , 4, of Loveland, passed away July 25, 2010.

Samantha was born July 18, 2006, at McKee Medical Center in Loveland to Heather (Simms) and Bart Schichtel.

Samantha was truly a gift, bringing joy to everyone she met; a spark when encountered brought a lasting, sticky happiness.

Adorable, beautiful, gorgeous, sweet, angelic, enchanting, captivating, infectious, innocent, and oh so incredibly cute, she is deeply loved and will be missed by so many.

Samantha is survived by her parents, Bart and Heather Schichtel of Loveland; grandparents Jim and Judi Bishop of Highlands Ranch, Rick and Cynde Simms of Littleton and Evelyn Schichtel of Staunton, Va.

She was preceded in death by her brother, Jack Schichtel; and grandfather Ralph Schichtel.

A memorial service will be held at Faith Evangelical Church, 2707 N. Wilson in Loveland, at 11 a.m. Saturday, July 31. Picnic lunch to follow at the Fairgrounds Park in Loveland.

The Samantha Schichtel Memorial Fund has been established at Wells Fargo Bank.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to 5951 South Middlefield Road, Suite 105, Littleton, Colo. 80123

Please visit http://www.allnutt.com to view Samantha’s online obituary, sign the family guest book and send condolences.

Final (hopefully) Memorial Information

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief2 Comments

Hi All:


The service will be at Faith Evangelical Church at 11:00 on Saturday, July 31st.

The church is at 2707 N. Wilson in Loveland.

A picnic lunch will follow at Fairgrounds Park in Loveland, 700 S. Railroad Ave. Maps will be provided at the service.

All events are welcome to kids. The park has a wonderful water area so please feel free to dress casually or bring a change of clothes for after the service….the kiddos might want bathing suits.

We will provide sandwiches for the picnic. If you would like to bring a side dish or beverage (the pavilion does allow beer and wine), that would be lovely but it is not necessary. We would just like to celebrate Samantha’s life with you.

We know weekend time is precious and schedules are busy. Please feel free to attend the picnic but not the service (or vice versa) if you have other commitments.

In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made to the Samantha Schichtel Memorial Fund
5951 S. Middlefield Road, Suite 105
Littleton, CO 80123

Or by making a contribution to the Samantha Schichtel Memorial Fund at any Wells Fargo Bank

Thank you again…all of you. We have never felt alone on this road and it because of you.

Love,
Heather and Bart



Beyond the door, there’s peace I’m sure….

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief8 Comments

Our home health agency picked up Samantha’s supplies today.


– 30 tanks of oxygen
– two feeding pumps
– one oxygen concentrator
– one IV pump
– one suction machine
– one pulse oyx machine

This is what we rented from the health agency. We still have boxes and boxes of medical supplies that we have purchased for Samantha’s everyday special needs.

Dismantling our fortress of medical equipment, I felt like a General who had lost a war, who was moving her troops out, who was surrendering her gun.

It was quite surreal.

Everything was moved into the living room and I stared at the pile of medical equipment, a fourth of what we still have to sort through. I looked at my mom.

“I had no idea we had all of this,” I said.

She looked at me with sad eyes, “Samantha was a sick little girl.”

“She never seemed sick to me, she just seemed like Samantha.”

“She was just Samantha to all of us.”

I was not sad to see the pile of equipment be loaded onto the truck and carried away. I was not sad to look at the truck and think I hope we never have to see that truck again.

There is a hole in our house as big as the Grand Canyon….a hole where Lil’ Miss used to be. I tend to get stuck in that hole and wonder how I will ever, ever get out.

But I will not miss that truck.

Sweet Girl

On By HschichieIn Nitty Gritty Dirty Grief63 Comments

We unexpectedly, tragically, lost our sweet girl today…..

She has worked so hard.

And her little heart decided enough was enough….

She took one deep breath this morning…

And that was her last.

We are lost.

I am lost.

I miss how she smells.

I miss her.

For the rest of my life.

*** We will post details on services.